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Saturday, 31 December 2011
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Finally had second fertility specialist appointment
After the hospital cancelling the appointment from the original date of November 28th and delaying it till January 23rd, I then complained and after waiting ages they finally gave me a new appointment for the 19th December YAY!!!! 
The only problem was that it meant hubby couldn't make it as he had a work commitment he was not able to get out of and we knew if we tried to change the appointment they would make us wait who knows how long for another.
Luckily a good friend of mine offered to come with me.
So trying to be organised and knowing I was so stressed I would forget details, I took a little notebook with me, I even wrote pre appointment notes before the appointment so I would know what I wanted to make note of, I wrote FSH, LH etc and left little spaces next to them for the results lol.
I then went in to town to meet my friend at her work (She had changed her hours for the day to be able to come with me, bless her)
She said I looked completely stressed as soon as she saw me so god knows what I must have looked like.
We got to the clinic and it was as busy as always, but luckily we did not have to wait too long to be seen, or maybe it just felt like that as I was able to chat away with my friend while waiting.
As soon as we walked into the consultant's room he went straight into my test results as I am sure I must have looked even more nervous lol
He had hubby's second semen analysis results on his computer screen, he said they were normal and that although they had not been able to check the count this time, he was not concerned as the count had been so high before and had been more concerned with what they call the motility (how well they swim, whether they swim in the same direction etc) as this had been slightly lower than average when it was checked back in March, but he was pleased as this time it was up from 37% to 43% (Average is 40% he said)
I said "So it's not him, it's me that's the problem then?" he was very tactful and didn't answer that lol
He then said all my tests were normal, I asked for my FSH level and he said it was 4.3 and then went back through my records and said strangely my FSH levels had got better over the last 3 times it has been tested.
He said my LH level was ok too at 2.6.
My HSG proceedure had shown my tubes were clear and my internal ultrasound had been normal too so the only conclusion was a problem with ovulating.
He has prescribed 6 months of a fertility drug called Clomid.
He said I have to start taking 50mg on day 2 of my next cycle through to day 6, and then I have to go to the hospital on day 21 to have a blood test to check whether my ovaries respond to the treatment.
I need to phone the specialist fertility nurse 2 days later for the result and if the ovaries are not responding the nurse will increase the dose for the next cycle and I will start all over again.
He warned me about possible side effects saying there was a 10% chance of conceiving twins as the drug makes the ovaries release more than one egg, I couldn't look at my friend when he said this as I could just imagine her face thinking of my hubby's reaction to TWINS!!! lol
He then warned me about other side effects such as the fact my ovaries were going to become massive and painful and that I neeeded to look out for something called hyper ovarian stimulation syndrome (think I have that right) where they get too stimulated and cause fluid in the stomach that needs to be treated in hospital as an emergency.
Bit scary!
I left with a prescription for 6 months of Clomid and another appointment with the fertility specialist for 6 months time (Unless they change it on me again)
We went to the hospital pharmacy to collect my medication and it was hard not to laugh as I was questioned about alergies etc and whether I knew why I was taking the drug and then the most intelligent question... was I PREGNANT???
So now I am on cycle day 19 and again this month I took soya isoflavones at the start of my cycle (I tried taking them earlier than last month and I also upped the dose from 100mg to 150mg) and I did get my positive opk a whole DAY earlier than last month wooo hooo lol
Hubby bless him seems to be hoping we conceive this month so I won't have to take the fertility drug as he does not like the idea of the more serious side effects (Although I think the thought of twins probably worries him a bit too lol)
My next cycle is not due to start until early January so not much else I can do right now, apart from the obvious of course lol
Oh well Merry Christmas to any readers out there and all the best for 2012 whatever your plans are
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The only problem was that it meant hubby couldn't make it as he had a work commitment he was not able to get out of and we knew if we tried to change the appointment they would make us wait who knows how long for another.
Luckily a good friend of mine offered to come with me.
So trying to be organised and knowing I was so stressed I would forget details, I took a little notebook with me, I even wrote pre appointment notes before the appointment so I would know what I wanted to make note of, I wrote FSH, LH etc and left little spaces next to them for the results lol.
I then went in to town to meet my friend at her work (She had changed her hours for the day to be able to come with me, bless her)
She said I looked completely stressed as soon as she saw me so god knows what I must have looked like.
We got to the clinic and it was as busy as always, but luckily we did not have to wait too long to be seen, or maybe it just felt like that as I was able to chat away with my friend while waiting.
As soon as we walked into the consultant's room he went straight into my test results as I am sure I must have looked even more nervous lol
He had hubby's second semen analysis results on his computer screen, he said they were normal and that although they had not been able to check the count this time, he was not concerned as the count had been so high before and had been more concerned with what they call the motility (how well they swim, whether they swim in the same direction etc) as this had been slightly lower than average when it was checked back in March, but he was pleased as this time it was up from 37% to 43% (Average is 40% he said)
I said "So it's not him, it's me that's the problem then?" he was very tactful and didn't answer that lol
He then said all my tests were normal, I asked for my FSH level and he said it was 4.3 and then went back through my records and said strangely my FSH levels had got better over the last 3 times it has been tested.
He said my LH level was ok too at 2.6.
My HSG proceedure had shown my tubes were clear and my internal ultrasound had been normal too so the only conclusion was a problem with ovulating.
He has prescribed 6 months of a fertility drug called Clomid.
He said I have to start taking 50mg on day 2 of my next cycle through to day 6, and then I have to go to the hospital on day 21 to have a blood test to check whether my ovaries respond to the treatment.
I need to phone the specialist fertility nurse 2 days later for the result and if the ovaries are not responding the nurse will increase the dose for the next cycle and I will start all over again.
He warned me about possible side effects saying there was a 10% chance of conceiving twins as the drug makes the ovaries release more than one egg, I couldn't look at my friend when he said this as I could just imagine her face thinking of my hubby's reaction to TWINS!!! lol
He then warned me about other side effects such as the fact my ovaries were going to become massive and painful and that I neeeded to look out for something called hyper ovarian stimulation syndrome (think I have that right) where they get too stimulated and cause fluid in the stomach that needs to be treated in hospital as an emergency.
Bit scary!
I left with a prescription for 6 months of Clomid and another appointment with the fertility specialist for 6 months time (Unless they change it on me again)
We went to the hospital pharmacy to collect my medication and it was hard not to laugh as I was questioned about alergies etc and whether I knew why I was taking the drug and then the most intelligent question... was I PREGNANT???
So now I am on cycle day 19 and again this month I took soya isoflavones at the start of my cycle (I tried taking them earlier than last month and I also upped the dose from 100mg to 150mg) and I did get my positive opk a whole DAY earlier than last month wooo hooo lol
Hubby bless him seems to be hoping we conceive this month so I won't have to take the fertility drug as he does not like the idea of the more serious side effects (Although I think the thought of twins probably worries him a bit too lol)
My next cycle is not due to start until early January so not much else I can do right now, apart from the obvious of course lol
Oh well Merry Christmas to any readers out there and all the best for 2012 whatever your plans are
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Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Less than a week to go
Till my second fertility specialist appointment that is.
Today is Tuesday and my appointment is on Monday and I have to say I am already starting to get worried whenever I let myself think about it.
My hubby definitely cannot make it to the appointment this time due to work commitments, I am very lucky a lovely friend of mine offered to change her hours at work for the day and is coming with me.
I am going to have to take a notebook with me to write stuff down for hubby, especially details of my test results and also his recent semen analysis as I know I will struggle to take it all in without him there.
This is the last week of term for my boys so they will be home when I have my appointment, but the older 2 are now old enough to stay with the younger one for a little while.
I am glad the appointment will be over with in time for Xmas, but am so worried I will leave the appointment no better off and am scared of being fobbed off.
I willl be 37 in March and while I know some people will say this is still young, fertility wise it really isn't and the fact that this time we have been trying to conceive for so long with no luck cannot be a good sign.
My cycles are still totally irregular which is not how they used to be and I have also noticed that my actual periods are getting shorter which really worries me too as I am worried I might be starting some sort of peri menopause and yet again have been researching and these are all possible signs and apparently anything under 40 is considered early menopause, I also discovered that this peri menopause thing can last anything up to 10 years before going into full menopause and they only confirm full menopause when you have not had a period for 12 months.
I went to Zumba last night with a friend, on the way there in her car with another friend of hers we were talking about my problems conceiving and I was so surprised and happy to hear the other lady saying that she can imagine some people saying it cannot be that bad or upsetting as I already have 3 kids, but that she could imagine that it does not actually mean it hurts any less.
It was so nice to hear someone actually able to empathise and not just spout insensitive comments.
I keep bumping into people I have not seen for quite a while who I told ages ago we were trying for another baby and it is really hard as they either assume we have changed our minds about trying or they try to joke around saying things like "Wow , you STILL not pregnant?" etc.
Also I still regularly go on a chat forum I have been going on all year and now I am seeing women who started trying after me or around the same time and are now giving birth or getting close to it, it just reminds me exactly how long we have been trying for.
As Christmas is coming we will soon be getting together with hubbys family, we have not seen some of them since the Summer when we told then we are trying for a baby so I know the conversation will come round to it at some point and while I would be a bit put out of no one mentioned it as it is so important to me, I can imagine how upsetting the conversation might be.
Hubby bless him still says he believes we will have another baby, but I am less and less convinced and I do wonder whether he really is as sure as he claims, or whether he is just trying to stay positive for me as he can see I am losing faith.
He has admitted it is taking a lot longer than he thought it would and that he was sure I would at least have been pregnant by Christmas and I am not even close.
Some of my friends have even given up asking me how things are going, maybe because they too are losing faith and just don't want to upset me by asking as they know I am not falling pregnant because they know me well enough to know if I was I would be shouting it from the roof tops.
So to give a little update, today is cycle day 10 and I have started testing with ovulation tests, I am hoping the earlier and higher dose I took of soya isoflavones this cycle MIGHT make me get an earlier positive OPK and hopefully I might actually ovulate as despite getting positive opks, I am not convinced I am.
We will see....
Today is Tuesday and my appointment is on Monday and I have to say I am already starting to get worried whenever I let myself think about it.
My hubby definitely cannot make it to the appointment this time due to work commitments, I am very lucky a lovely friend of mine offered to change her hours at work for the day and is coming with me.
I am going to have to take a notebook with me to write stuff down for hubby, especially details of my test results and also his recent semen analysis as I know I will struggle to take it all in without him there.
This is the last week of term for my boys so they will be home when I have my appointment, but the older 2 are now old enough to stay with the younger one for a little while.
I am glad the appointment will be over with in time for Xmas, but am so worried I will leave the appointment no better off and am scared of being fobbed off.
I willl be 37 in March and while I know some people will say this is still young, fertility wise it really isn't and the fact that this time we have been trying to conceive for so long with no luck cannot be a good sign.
My cycles are still totally irregular which is not how they used to be and I have also noticed that my actual periods are getting shorter which really worries me too as I am worried I might be starting some sort of peri menopause and yet again have been researching and these are all possible signs and apparently anything under 40 is considered early menopause, I also discovered that this peri menopause thing can last anything up to 10 years before going into full menopause and they only confirm full menopause when you have not had a period for 12 months.
I went to Zumba last night with a friend, on the way there in her car with another friend of hers we were talking about my problems conceiving and I was so surprised and happy to hear the other lady saying that she can imagine some people saying it cannot be that bad or upsetting as I already have 3 kids, but that she could imagine that it does not actually mean it hurts any less.
It was so nice to hear someone actually able to empathise and not just spout insensitive comments.
I keep bumping into people I have not seen for quite a while who I told ages ago we were trying for another baby and it is really hard as they either assume we have changed our minds about trying or they try to joke around saying things like "Wow , you STILL not pregnant?" etc.
Also I still regularly go on a chat forum I have been going on all year and now I am seeing women who started trying after me or around the same time and are now giving birth or getting close to it, it just reminds me exactly how long we have been trying for.
As Christmas is coming we will soon be getting together with hubbys family, we have not seen some of them since the Summer when we told then we are trying for a baby so I know the conversation will come round to it at some point and while I would be a bit put out of no one mentioned it as it is so important to me, I can imagine how upsetting the conversation might be.
Hubby bless him still says he believes we will have another baby, but I am less and less convinced and I do wonder whether he really is as sure as he claims, or whether he is just trying to stay positive for me as he can see I am losing faith.
He has admitted it is taking a lot longer than he thought it would and that he was sure I would at least have been pregnant by Christmas and I am not even close.
Some of my friends have even given up asking me how things are going, maybe because they too are losing faith and just don't want to upset me by asking as they know I am not falling pregnant because they know me well enough to know if I was I would be shouting it from the roof tops.
So to give a little update, today is cycle day 10 and I have started testing with ovulation tests, I am hoping the earlier and higher dose I took of soya isoflavones this cycle MIGHT make me get an earlier positive OPK and hopefully I might actually ovulate as despite getting positive opks, I am not convinced I am.
We will see....
Thursday, 1 December 2011
Maybe I shouldn't blog when upset, but...
I have to let these feelings out.
As you can probably guess, I don't have any good news for this month either, sorry.
It is cycle day 32 and as I got my positive ovulation prediction test result on day 18, counting from day 20 when it went back to being negative, today I am about 13 days past ovulation.
I even took soya isoflavones this cycle, I took 100mg from day 5 to day 9, not sure whether I need to think of trying taking them earlier, a larger dose, or both!
Well today I have not only started light pink spotting, but I took an internet cheapie pregnancy test a bit earlier this afternoon and it could not have been any more negative if it tried.
I have my second appointment with the fertility specialist in just over two weeks, but I have to say right now I am dreading it and am starting to really get scared of what they might say.
To make it harder, hubby cannot make it this time due to work he cannot get out of.
I thought about changing the appointment but anyone reading this blog will know I was originally meant to be having this appointment in November, but the hospital cancelled and changed it to mid January and now they have given me an earlier appointment (After I complained) I cannot really changed it as who knows how long I would have to wait.
My lovely friend offered and has changed her working hours so she can come with me for support which is amazing of her.
Hubby will be doing his repeat semen analysis next week so the specialist will have all the results ready in time for my appointment hopefully, I know he said he needed this done a month before the appointment, but as the appointment was changed late we do not have a month, but hopefully will be ok as I know they do their analysis within an hour of it being given to them.
It would have been so lovely to have been pregnant for xmas like I was with my last baby, but right now what is the most painful is how long it is taking and this niggling fear that it just is not going to happen.
I have to drag myself out in the horriblw weather soon to collect my youngest from school and give him an extra cuddle, but just wanted to update my blog quickly.
As you can probably guess, I don't have any good news for this month either, sorry.
It is cycle day 32 and as I got my positive ovulation prediction test result on day 18, counting from day 20 when it went back to being negative, today I am about 13 days past ovulation.
I even took soya isoflavones this cycle, I took 100mg from day 5 to day 9, not sure whether I need to think of trying taking them earlier, a larger dose, or both!
Well today I have not only started light pink spotting, but I took an internet cheapie pregnancy test a bit earlier this afternoon and it could not have been any more negative if it tried.
I have my second appointment with the fertility specialist in just over two weeks, but I have to say right now I am dreading it and am starting to really get scared of what they might say.
To make it harder, hubby cannot make it this time due to work he cannot get out of.
I thought about changing the appointment but anyone reading this blog will know I was originally meant to be having this appointment in November, but the hospital cancelled and changed it to mid January and now they have given me an earlier appointment (After I complained) I cannot really changed it as who knows how long I would have to wait.
My lovely friend offered and has changed her working hours so she can come with me for support which is amazing of her.
Hubby will be doing his repeat semen analysis next week so the specialist will have all the results ready in time for my appointment hopefully, I know he said he needed this done a month before the appointment, but as the appointment was changed late we do not have a month, but hopefully will be ok as I know they do their analysis within an hour of it being given to them.
It would have been so lovely to have been pregnant for xmas like I was with my last baby, but right now what is the most painful is how long it is taking and this niggling fear that it just is not going to happen.
I have to drag myself out in the horriblw weather soon to collect my youngest from school and give him an extra cuddle, but just wanted to update my blog quickly.
Monday, 21 November 2011
Seeing how it goes
Hello anyone out there reading this, before I go on I just wanted to say I hope your TTC journey's are going well, I say this because it has occured to me that anyone reading this might be doing so because they are also trying to conceive a baby so just wanted to take a moment to think of you too.
Anyway back to business lol
I DID take the soya isoflavones from cd5 untill cd9, I took 100mg each night just before I went to bed, I took them at bedtime as I was a bit worried about any possible side effects.
After taking them for a few days I did notice I felt a little out of it and groggy, but not so bad I could not cope with it.
I decided to take the 100mg as the tablets I took were 50mg and although I had read about people taking 200mg I was a bit worried as it was my first time taking them and did not want to take a massive dose straight away.
The plan was to see whether they made any difference this cycle and think about upping the dose for my next cycle.
So I stopped taking them after cd9 and started taking internet cheapie ovulation tests the next day and got a positive result on cd18 and cd19.
I have had a positive on cd18 before but it is more common for me to have it closer to cd21 or later.
I also normally get positives for about 3 days in a row before they turn negative and this cycle it was only clearlt positive for 2 days so whether that means anything I don't know.
We have been doing the deed as they say every few days and we also did it the day before the first positive opk and then the next day (The day of the first positive) then have gone back to every few days.
Going by the online cycle calculator because I got an earlier positive opk my next period (AF) is due a little earlier, December 2nd, but it is so hard to know as my cycle lengths vary soooo much these days which seriously stresses me out as I keep getting my hopes up every month only to have them smashed time and time again.
I can't believe it is nearly a whole year since hubby finally agreed to start trying for another PROPERLY again (and final, his words) baby after longing for one for so long.
But it does hurt that after all this time and everything that we have tried, I have got absolutely nowhere and am no better off than I was last year.
Next Monday SHOULD have been our hospital appointment and we should have been finally getting the all important test results and deciding on the next step and now we are having to wait untill January :(
This cycle I have not even bought a single pregnancy test and have no plans to do so as I doubt I will need one, it will be the first month I have not bought one since this journey started.
So I guess we really are just seeing how it goes....
Anyway back to business lol
I DID take the soya isoflavones from cd5 untill cd9, I took 100mg each night just before I went to bed, I took them at bedtime as I was a bit worried about any possible side effects.
After taking them for a few days I did notice I felt a little out of it and groggy, but not so bad I could not cope with it.
I decided to take the 100mg as the tablets I took were 50mg and although I had read about people taking 200mg I was a bit worried as it was my first time taking them and did not want to take a massive dose straight away.
The plan was to see whether they made any difference this cycle and think about upping the dose for my next cycle.
So I stopped taking them after cd9 and started taking internet cheapie ovulation tests the next day and got a positive result on cd18 and cd19.
I have had a positive on cd18 before but it is more common for me to have it closer to cd21 or later.
I also normally get positives for about 3 days in a row before they turn negative and this cycle it was only clearlt positive for 2 days so whether that means anything I don't know.
We have been doing the deed as they say every few days and we also did it the day before the first positive opk and then the next day (The day of the first positive) then have gone back to every few days.
Going by the online cycle calculator because I got an earlier positive opk my next period (AF) is due a little earlier, December 2nd, but it is so hard to know as my cycle lengths vary soooo much these days which seriously stresses me out as I keep getting my hopes up every month only to have them smashed time and time again.
I can't believe it is nearly a whole year since hubby finally agreed to start trying for another PROPERLY again (and final, his words) baby after longing for one for so long.
But it does hurt that after all this time and everything that we have tried, I have got absolutely nowhere and am no better off than I was last year.
Next Monday SHOULD have been our hospital appointment and we should have been finally getting the all important test results and deciding on the next step and now we are having to wait untill January :(
This cycle I have not even bought a single pregnancy test and have no plans to do so as I doubt I will need one, it will be the first month I have not bought one since this journey started.
So I guess we really are just seeing how it goes....
Monday, 7 November 2011
Positive step
Thought I would do a quick little update, nooo I am still NOT pregnant, but I am taking what I hope is a bit of a positive, proactive step in the right direction.
As you know I have been let down and disappointed by the hospital and instead of seeing the fertility specialist at the end of this month, I am now not going to get to see him until January.
I am/was hoping that at this appointment he would be trying me on Clomid to help me to ovulate.
Through all my research and my lovely online forum friends I found out about Soya Isoflavones which are nicknamed "Nature's own Clomid" and are also meant to help with ovulation when taken for 5 days at the start of the cycle.
So today is cd8 and I have been taking 100mg of these since cd5 and tomorrow is my last dose for this cycle. I will then start testing for ovulation with my bargain internet cheapie ovulation tests to see whether they help me to get a positive result any earlier than I normally get (ie cd19 to cd27)
As far as side effects go I am getting a little light headed and didn't feel too well yesterday evening.
I take the tablets just before I go to bed to hopefully reduce any side effects and I am taking a smaller dose than I have read about some people taking.
So will see how it goes...
As you know I have been let down and disappointed by the hospital and instead of seeing the fertility specialist at the end of this month, I am now not going to get to see him until January.
I am/was hoping that at this appointment he would be trying me on Clomid to help me to ovulate.
Through all my research and my lovely online forum friends I found out about Soya Isoflavones which are nicknamed "Nature's own Clomid" and are also meant to help with ovulation when taken for 5 days at the start of the cycle.
So today is cd8 and I have been taking 100mg of these since cd5 and tomorrow is my last dose for this cycle. I will then start testing for ovulation with my bargain internet cheapie ovulation tests to see whether they help me to get a positive result any earlier than I normally get (ie cd19 to cd27)
As far as side effects go I am getting a little light headed and didn't feel too well yesterday evening.
I take the tablets just before I go to bed to hopefully reduce any side effects and I am taking a smaller dose than I have read about some people taking.
So will see how it goes...
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Nope, that didn't work either
I honestly DID try not to get my hope up for this cycle despite all the encouraging words from the lady who did my HSG tube jet wash as she called it at the end of September.
I am trying my hardest not to resent my hubby for this because after getting my positive ovulation test late on day 26 of my cycle we only "tried" ONCE as he just did not want to after that which of course seriously upset and worried me as I cannot help worrying he might just suddenly change his mind about wanting this baby (He promises this is NOT the case)
We did in fact end up having a bit of an argument about why he was not interested at the most important time of my cycle, apparently he had got fed up with it all having to be so "clinical"
Bit unfair after we have been trying for so long and as anyone else struggling with any form of infertility knows you NEED to try at your most fertile times to stand any chance of getting pregnant.
I do understand it is not nice to have to be so clinical about timing but it cannot be helped and it is not like it all month long.
To make it worse and to torture me just a little bit more, my cycle decided to go from being around the 32/36 mark to being 41 days so I gave in and took a pregnancy test which of course was negative, but I still had the glimmer of hope I am constantly foolish enough to let myself have, thinking it might be too early as I was only about 12 days past ovulation.
But then the next evening I started spotting and by yesterday I knew it was over yet again and now today I am in absolute agony and feeling so low.
It might have been a little less painful if I still had the knowledge of having my fertility appointment at the end of this month (November) but of course as you know the hospital so kindly decided to cancel that and put it off for another 3 MONTHS!
So unfortunately another negative blog today, sorry I wish with all my heart it was different, but yet again I am at the stage where I am meant to be being all positive and planning ahead to the next cycle and believing it will be THE one.
But I have always wanted to try to be honest with my blog...
I do NOT feel hopeful or positive for my next cycle, I only see more disappointment ahead of me and because of this I am NOT planning on testing for ovulation or anything like that at the moment and no I am not doing it this way in the vain hope that by not actively trying I will magically become pregnant because after trying everything and failing I do not see how trying nothing could possibly work.
The only thing we might do this month is get hubby semen analysis repeated as requested by the fertility specialist back at our first appointment at the beginning of August.
So who knows anymore?, who knows?
I am trying my hardest not to resent my hubby for this because after getting my positive ovulation test late on day 26 of my cycle we only "tried" ONCE as he just did not want to after that which of course seriously upset and worried me as I cannot help worrying he might just suddenly change his mind about wanting this baby (He promises this is NOT the case)
We did in fact end up having a bit of an argument about why he was not interested at the most important time of my cycle, apparently he had got fed up with it all having to be so "clinical"
Bit unfair after we have been trying for so long and as anyone else struggling with any form of infertility knows you NEED to try at your most fertile times to stand any chance of getting pregnant.
I do understand it is not nice to have to be so clinical about timing but it cannot be helped and it is not like it all month long.
To make it worse and to torture me just a little bit more, my cycle decided to go from being around the 32/36 mark to being 41 days so I gave in and took a pregnancy test which of course was negative, but I still had the glimmer of hope I am constantly foolish enough to let myself have, thinking it might be too early as I was only about 12 days past ovulation.
But then the next evening I started spotting and by yesterday I knew it was over yet again and now today I am in absolute agony and feeling so low.
It might have been a little less painful if I still had the knowledge of having my fertility appointment at the end of this month (November) but of course as you know the hospital so kindly decided to cancel that and put it off for another 3 MONTHS!
So unfortunately another negative blog today, sorry I wish with all my heart it was different, but yet again I am at the stage where I am meant to be being all positive and planning ahead to the next cycle and believing it will be THE one.
But I have always wanted to try to be honest with my blog...
I do NOT feel hopeful or positive for my next cycle, I only see more disappointment ahead of me and because of this I am NOT planning on testing for ovulation or anything like that at the moment and no I am not doing it this way in the vain hope that by not actively trying I will magically become pregnant because after trying everything and failing I do not see how trying nothing could possibly work.
The only thing we might do this month is get hubby semen analysis repeated as requested by the fertility specialist back at our first appointment at the beginning of August.
So who knows anymore?, who knows?
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