I honestly DID try not to get my hope up for this cycle despite all the encouraging words from the lady who did my HSG tube jet wash as she called it at the end of September.
I am trying my hardest not to resent my hubby for this because after getting my positive ovulation test late on day 26 of my cycle we only "tried" ONCE as he just did not want to after that which of course seriously upset and worried me as I cannot help worrying he might just suddenly change his mind about wanting this baby (He promises this is NOT the case)
We did in fact end up having a bit of an argument about why he was not interested at the most important time of my cycle, apparently he had got fed up with it all having to be so "clinical"
Bit unfair after we have been trying for so long and as anyone else struggling with any form of infertility knows you NEED to try at your most fertile times to stand any chance of getting pregnant.
I do understand it is not nice to have to be so clinical about timing but it cannot be helped and it is not like it all month long.
To make it worse and to torture me just a little bit more, my cycle decided to go from being around the 32/36 mark to being 41 days so I gave in and took a pregnancy test which of course was negative, but I still had the glimmer of hope I am constantly foolish enough to let myself have, thinking it might be too early as I was only about 12 days past ovulation.
But then the next evening I started spotting and by yesterday I knew it was over yet again and now today I am in absolute agony and feeling so low.
It might have been a little less painful if I still had the knowledge of having my fertility appointment at the end of this month (November) but of course as you know the hospital so kindly decided to cancel that and put it off for another 3 MONTHS!
So unfortunately another negative blog today, sorry I wish with all my heart it was different, but yet again I am at the stage where I am meant to be being all positive and planning ahead to the next cycle and believing it will be THE one.
But I have always wanted to try to be honest with my blog...
I do NOT feel hopeful or positive for my next cycle, I only see more disappointment ahead of me and because of this I am NOT planning on testing for ovulation or anything like that at the moment and no I am not doing it this way in the vain hope that by not actively trying I will magically become pregnant because after trying everything and failing I do not see how trying nothing could possibly work.
The only thing we might do this month is get hubby semen analysis repeated as requested by the fertility specialist back at our first appointment at the beginning of August.
So who knows anymore?, who knows?
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