Quick update

NO, I'm not announcing my pregnancy, much as it kills me to say that.
I just thought I would give a quick update as this month is still a work in progress...


Anyway last week I took the plunge and removed my prolapse ring, right after my period finished and just before this month's attempt began.


I had completely forgotten what it was like before I had the ring and after spending Friday walking around the shops in Westfield with hubby (Who had been so sweet and had taken a day's holiday from work to take me out) I was in agony, my back was so painful, so clearly the ring had helped a bit.


We had our first ring free attempt that afternoon, well after our visit to the cinema had ended in disaster (the bloody projector BROKE) we needed to do something to cheer ourselves up lol.


We are trying roughly every other day, so far this has not worked as we ended up not trying again till Monday, which would have meant we should have tried again last night as it was Wednesday, but for some reason I was so ill Tuesday night and for the whole of yesterday so that ruled that out. I have been doing my ovulation tests so at least I know I have not ovulated yet anyway.


Hubby has gone all psychic on me and says he feels we will conceive either this month or next month, probably next month (as 2 out of the 4 psychic readings I had done predicted) so we will see.
I hope he is right as I am struggling to stay positive!
Today is about day 17 in my cycle.

New Cycle, New Plan.

Today is about day 9 in my cycle, I think, although it is actually hard to know where exactly to start counting days from with my cycles being the way they are.


My awful period has finally finished I THINK (never can tell with me as they seem to stop and start) sooo we can start....trying AGAIN.


We have had a long talk about it, hubby is keen for me to make another appointment with my gp as he thinks I am being fobbed off regarding the referral to the fertility specialist as one minute he was going to do it straight away and then the next he wants me to try for another couple of months before he is able to even make the referral at all, then it would be god knows how long before I get seen, and they wonder why women get stressed out when having fertility problems!!!!!!


We also talked about what we thought might be causing our problems, we talked about how long it took to conceive our 3 boys and what might have changed between having our youngest who will be 9 this year and now.


WARNING! As is my style this bit will be blunt and possibly too much information, but then again this blog is about trying to conceive so hard not too get a bit graphic I guess.


I was diagnosed with a prolapse back in about 2006 or7, my gynecologist who is one of the funniest, most blunt doctors I have ever met, was very encouraging and supportive about the idea of me having another baby when I last saw her during our attempt in 2008.
Because of my lovely prolapse I was and still have agonizing  periods where it literally feels like everything is going to fall out, this is actually pretty scary as well as painful.
Gynae fitted something called a ring pessary by my cervix to help support everything, she said she has patients that have used these during pregnancy with no trouble, but it never occurred to me that it might cause problems actually getting pregnant in the first place!


When I last saw my gp I mentioned I had this ring fitted only because I wanted him to change it for me as I am no longer under the gynae (I discharged myself after hubby broke my heart by changing his mind about the baby at the end of 2008)
The gp said that he did not want to change anything because he was about to make the referral to the fertility specialist and he should see me as I have been while we are having the fertility problem.


But we have now decided we are going to literally take matters into our own hands lol and remove the ring before we start this month's attempt and see what happens.
Hubby seems quite positive about it, I think it's the man thing, he feels he sees the problem and "Me man, me fix, ug!" So we will see.
I am going to carry on with using the ovulation tests, because my body seems to have no real pattern to ovulation and does it whenever it feels like.


Good to have a plan I guess!!!

Failure confirmed

Okay, I know it was probably a long shot at best, but as again this month my period is not the way it has been for years I took a pregnancy test to extinguish the little glimmer of hope I have been torturing myself with.


Of course the test came up with a very definite negative as expected yet again.


I think I mentioned in my first post that I was diagnosed with endometriosis way back in 1996 and because of this horrible condition (medical people refer to it as a disease, but I hate that) my periods have been hell, they always started with 3 days of nothing much, then another few days of what I guess most people would consider normal period and then hit me with another 4 or 5 days of agony and be so heavy. But they were always regular as clockwork and 29 days a cycle.


However the last couple of months or so my cycles have been longer than normal, averaging about 33 days, I even had one that was 40 days long. Also their pattern has totally changed, I get a few days of light spotting, then seem to get around 4 days of light loss.


My gp said I need to try for another month or 2 before he will even make a referral to the fertility specialist (despite previously saying he would do it after my blood tests and hubby's sperm assessment)
So the whole process could take even longer.
I know he said he was happy with my blood test results, but I am worried because A) The tests were not done on day 3 of my cycle as intended because that was the month my cycle went to 40 days.
and B) The tests only confirmed my FSH level was ok, they cannot actually confirm my ovaries are even releasing eggs, same with the ovulation predictor tests which of course can only pick up the LH hormone surge, but not confirm an egg has actually been released at all.


I need a scan to check whether my ovaries are working and whether my tubes are normal etc, but that seems to be another thing that is just too much to hope for.


I am sorry this is another depressing post, but to be honest I just do not have any positivity left in me right now and this is only a glimpse of how low I am actually feeling.


I hope if anyone out there is reading this and going through similar to me that this at least lets them know they are not the only one and they are right to feel this is just not fair.


I am on day 4 of my cycle and really not sure what there is left to try differently, so who knows this month.

On to month number 6

WARNING this is not a very positive blog today, but I need to let it out so there!

As you can probably guess I have failed yet again this month, I have been hoping the spotting was not going to get any heavier but it is getting heavier so I cannot hang on to the tiny hope I always seem to cling on to when this starts. There is always the hope that it is the apparently rare implantation bleed and then when it just gets heavier and goes on another day and another there is the crushing realization that nope this is another period and no I am still not pregnant.

Not including the whole of 2008 May is my 6th month of trying to conceive, half a year!!!

I love my husband so much and every month I dread telling him I have failed to conceive yet again, he never asks when my period id due or whether I have come on etc, I know this is because he thinks it will upset me bless him.

He keeps telling me it WILL happen, he does not seem to doubt for a second that it won't, or if he does he is not saying.

After all the blood and ...sample tests we have already had are why he thinks it will happen for us, but ass every month goes by it seems to justify my deep rooted fear that it is too late.

Next month the very day my period starts I will be phoning my gp and pushing him to make the referral to the fertility specialist as promised, I will tell him this is killing me and that despite the blood tests I am not convinced my body is doing what it is meant to anymore and at least need a scan to see whether despite my hormone levels, are there actually any eggs being released at all.

We have been trying at the right times every month, I have been using the ovulation prediction kits and everything and despite getting positive results and then trying on all the right dates and trying the right amount, I am still facing failure every single month.

I have tried every possible approach and nothing changes anything, I have tried charting and noticing every tiny little thing about my body and I have tried the letting it happen approach and NOTHING!

I have just read about a method called SMEG lol terrible name isn't it?

It apprently stands for the Sperm Meets Egg Method, this involves starting to test for ovulation from day 10, then trying every other day from that day, elevate your hips for half an hour after each time, then once you get a positive ovulation test, trying every day for 3 days in a row then skip one night then trying again one more time.

Then take a home pregnancy test between 12 and 15 days after ovulation.

Yes it is not much different from what I have already been trying but hey ho why not!!!

What the psychic reading said....

The psychic reading came through the other day, as mentioned this was the 3rd one I have had done since we started trying for our baby.

Both the other two have said they see me conceiving in June this year although they did not agree on the gender.

The latest reading was by a different psychic, this one says they see me conceiving in August this year and they predict it will be little girl weighing between 5 and 6 lbs.

They also talked about how they can see I am scared time is running out for to have another baby and that I am worried I have left it too late, but if I was a cynic I might say this has something to do with them asking for and being given my date of birth.

They also mentioned a female spirit either a mother or grandmother watching over me and wanting me to know time is NOT running out and that it WILL happen for us.

I know these things may well not be true but I think it gives comfort and encouragement to people to see it in writing that their stress and worry will work out in the end.

To be honest I am really starting to need all the positive vibes and encouragement I can get as with every month that ends with a period or another negative pregnancy test another little bit of my hope fades away.

Today is day 32 in my 5th cycle of trying (Not including the WHOLE of 2008 when we were also trying with no luck) My period is not due for another 3 days, but today I am spotting very lightly and a light brown colour (TMI maybe but that is what this blog is about and I am being honest to the point of TMI lol)

So now I am yet again at the unbearable stage of waiting to see whether this turns into a full period or is the implantation sign I desperately would like it to be.p

This means analyzing every little cramp or twinge, waiting for the worst and deeply hoping for the best

I am going on holiday with all my in laws this summer and so want to be pregnant before then, but with every failed month that seems less and less likely.

I am really sorry today's blog is so depressing, but I need to get it out there.

Will post again once I know what's what this cycle......

Just call me Laid Back Lennie this month lol

After being sooo stressed and frankly gutted last month, I started this month thinking sod it basically.

Yes my heart is aching to see that positive pregnancy test result, but getting myself excited and fixated every month is clearly not working for me.

So although I did use ovulation prediction tests, because without them I have no idea if and when I might be ovulating, I have not been tracking my temperature or obsessing about what my cervix is and isn't doing.

In fact I have barely even kept track of what day of my cycle I am on or how many days past ovulation I am.

All I know is according to my little Clearblue pop up thing on my laptop, I am on cycle day 27 today and that my next period is apparently due on May 3rd.

So what about my hubby's sperm test results I hear you ask lol

Well when I spoke to my lovely gp he was very impressed with the actual count, he told me that they like it to be between 40 and 100 million and hubby's was...80 million, considering the national average is apparently around 60 million this means...hubby is a very proud bunny and you can just imagine how much he has been telling me so can't you?

The one concern my gp did have was that the sperm were non progressive which I have since found out basically means they are lazy little buggers with no sense of direction.

Luckily he said because there are sooooo many of them this should not be any problem in conception.

He wants us to keep trying for another month or two and if still no luck he will then make a referral to the fertility doctor at our local hospital.

He confirmed my FSH level was only 1.4 which rules out the dreaded menopause which at 36 was a massive fear of mine.

So this month we did the deed regularly before and after I got 3 days of positive ovulation tests until day 21 and am now just trying not to think too much about it all.

I was so ill for the week around ovulation it helped me not to think about it all too much, especially with it also being the Easter hols to keep me well and truly busy.

I am still regularly reading and joining in the lovely trying to conceive forum, but seeing more and more of the fantastic ladies on there getting their Big Fat Positives it gets hard at times, although depending on my mood, it can also give me hope that my turn is coming soon, especially when some of them are older than me and some of them have more kids than me, makes me feel less greedy wanting another baby.

Oh and have been a bit naughty and treated myself to another psychic reading to see whether she agrees with the other...2 I had done who predict a June pregnancy.

Watch this space.....

Been a while

Hello well firstly, sorry it has been a while for anyone who might be reading.

It is now April and last month I REALLY thought we might have cracked it, yes I know I have thought that before but this time really was different because as well as so many symptoms, my period was actually LATE which NEVER happens.

I did early tests and got nothing or should that be BFN (big fat negative in forum speak)

Then I got a really heavy period but unusually for me it only lasted about 4 or 5 days instead of the usual 8.

I have not tested again and am not really planning to for ages.

I phoned my lovely doctor who said although my blood test a few weeks ago was not taken on cd3 as intended (because period was so late) he is happy and does not need to repeat it, he wants my husband to have a sperm test and once he has the result of that I can phone him and he will make a referral to the fertility consultant.

So this morning hubby collected a sample, he was not impressed with having to use a test tube rather than a wide pot but managed it lol

Then because it had to be kept at body temp I put it inside my bra and we set off to the pathology department of our hospital.

We were given a form our gp SHOULD have given us but had not, I was a bit worried because on this form it asked when hubby had last ..... which we were not sure about and it also said this should not be more than 7 days ago, which we knew it was more than, but put on the form that it was in fact 7 days as we were worried they would refuse the sample.

So now we have to wait till next week and then I can phone my gp for results and then hopefully get that referral made.

But of course we will carry on ...trying in the meantime because you never know!!!!