On to month number 6

WARNING this is not a very positive blog today, but I need to let it out so there!

As you can probably guess I have failed yet again this month, I have been hoping the spotting was not going to get any heavier but it is getting heavier so I cannot hang on to the tiny hope I always seem to cling on to when this starts. There is always the hope that it is the apparently rare implantation bleed and then when it just gets heavier and goes on another day and another there is the crushing realization that nope this is another period and no I am still not pregnant.

Not including the whole of 2008 May is my 6th month of trying to conceive, half a year!!!

I love my husband so much and every month I dread telling him I have failed to conceive yet again, he never asks when my period id due or whether I have come on etc, I know this is because he thinks it will upset me bless him.

He keeps telling me it WILL happen, he does not seem to doubt for a second that it won't, or if he does he is not saying.

After all the blood and ...sample tests we have already had are why he thinks it will happen for us, but ass every month goes by it seems to justify my deep rooted fear that it is too late.

Next month the very day my period starts I will be phoning my gp and pushing him to make the referral to the fertility specialist as promised, I will tell him this is killing me and that despite the blood tests I am not convinced my body is doing what it is meant to anymore and at least need a scan to see whether despite my hormone levels, are there actually any eggs being released at all.

We have been trying at the right times every month, I have been using the ovulation prediction kits and everything and despite getting positive results and then trying on all the right dates and trying the right amount, I am still facing failure every single month.

I have tried every possible approach and nothing changes anything, I have tried charting and noticing every tiny little thing about my body and I have tried the letting it happen approach and NOTHING!

I have just read about a method called SMEG lol terrible name isn't it?

It apprently stands for the Sperm Meets Egg Method, this involves starting to test for ovulation from day 10, then trying every other day from that day, elevate your hips for half an hour after each time, then once you get a positive ovulation test, trying every day for 3 days in a row then skip one night then trying again one more time.

Then take a home pregnancy test between 12 and 15 days after ovulation.

Yes it is not much different from what I have already been trying but hey ho why not!!!