Failure confirmed

Okay, I know it was probably a long shot at best, but as again this month my period is not the way it has been for years I took a pregnancy test to extinguish the little glimmer of hope I have been torturing myself with.


Of course the test came up with a very definite negative as expected yet again.


I think I mentioned in my first post that I was diagnosed with endometriosis way back in 1996 and because of this horrible condition (medical people refer to it as a disease, but I hate that) my periods have been hell, they always started with 3 days of nothing much, then another few days of what I guess most people would consider normal period and then hit me with another 4 or 5 days of agony and be so heavy. But they were always regular as clockwork and 29 days a cycle.


However the last couple of months or so my cycles have been longer than normal, averaging about 33 days, I even had one that was 40 days long. Also their pattern has totally changed, I get a few days of light spotting, then seem to get around 4 days of light loss.


My gp said I need to try for another month or 2 before he will even make a referral to the fertility specialist (despite previously saying he would do it after my blood tests and hubby's sperm assessment)
So the whole process could take even longer.
I know he said he was happy with my blood test results, but I am worried because A) The tests were not done on day 3 of my cycle as intended because that was the month my cycle went to 40 days.
and B) The tests only confirmed my FSH level was ok, they cannot actually confirm my ovaries are even releasing eggs, same with the ovulation predictor tests which of course can only pick up the LH hormone surge, but not confirm an egg has actually been released at all.


I need a scan to check whether my ovaries are working and whether my tubes are normal etc, but that seems to be another thing that is just too much to hope for.


I am sorry this is another depressing post, but to be honest I just do not have any positivity left in me right now and this is only a glimpse of how low I am actually feeling.


I hope if anyone out there is reading this and going through similar to me that this at least lets them know they are not the only one and they are right to feel this is just not fair.


I am on day 4 of my cycle and really not sure what there is left to try differently, so who knows this month.