Mixed feelings

Not about wanting a baby of course. This afternoon, in our usual late post, my appointment letter for the fertility clinic arrived!! I surprised myself with my reaction; I cried, no totally sure why, maybe because it makes it more real that for whatever reason I can't get pregnant again and also maybe a little out of relief that someone might be able to help me achieve something I have longed for since about 2005.

I had just been half joking with hubby that we could guarantee the appointment would be for one of the days we will be away for our big family holiday this Summer, well I was almost right... it is for the Monday we are away for a long weekend (all we could manage due to the big family holiday) we are taking the kids away to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.

I wanted to phone straight away to make sure I could get another appointment as soon as possible, hoping I would not have to wait ages. But as I read the letter for the 5th time I saw I could only phone them up to 12pm and of course our post did not even arrive util 12.45pm so arghhhhh too late and now I have to wait till tomorrow to try to change the appointment!!!

So I will be on that phone as early as possible tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow is also the day my youngest returns from his first ever residential school trip, he is not even 9 yet and since yesterday afternoon has been on a working farm in Hampshire.

I am missing him like crazy, he has been away with the in laws before, but this is sooooo different.

Today was a big day for my eldest son, it was his very last GCSE exam - a Food Technology retake. This also means today is the day my baby officially leaves school!!!!!

He came home totally stressed out as he feels he has failed the exam as he found it even harder than the first time he took it and got an E that time.

We won't get his results for another 2 months and he is so desperate to get the grades he needs for the college course he wants to do.

I am so proud of him, wish he could feel that way about himself, he has achieved so much in his life already with the things he has had to overcome.

My middle son is about to go into year 10 and will be starting his GCSE courses, so soon will have to go through it all again with him!!!

Oh well it is cycle day 16 today and according to my ovulation predictor tests not ovulating yet, but not giving up, watch this space as they say....