Day 20 and what on earth is my body doing now???

As the title says I am day 20 of my cycle, I am still using  my cheapie ovulation predictor tests and so far this cycle have not had a positive/dark line.


Today's was the first I could even see any sort of second line, but still not enough to be a positive as it was barely there.


Anyway, too much information alert!!!!
I was trying to check cervical mucus like all us good, long term trying to conceivers are apparently meant to do.
I found some light coloured bloody stuff, only a little but definitely there.


My next period is not due for just over another 2 weeks and me and hubby .... Saturday morning so for a change I can't blame him for it lol.


I have been onto the lovely and wise ladies of the Trying to Conceive forum to see what they think it might be, some are suggesting it could be an ovulation bleed which is something I have never had but is something to do with the ovaries struggling to release an egg and bleeding a little as it bursts out of the ovary.


Another theory is that by some miracle I already ovulated earlier in my cycle and that I did conceive and so would be an implantation bleed.
That of course would be too good to be true, it will probably just turn out to be one of those unexplained, annoying things our female bodies LOVE to do to us, especially when we are trying so desperately for something so important to us.


Anyway for now the plan is to just keep trying and to keep testing for ovulation with those little green handled test sticks and hoping against hope.


But I am keeping in mind that in less than 2 months I will finally get to see the person who might be able to give me the answer to the question we ALL ask - "Why isn't it this working"?

Appointment changed YAY

Just a quickie (hmmm maybe a bad choice of words lol) I phoned the hospital this morning to let them know I cannot make the appointment they sent me due to our anniversary get away.


I was dreading it and had visions of them saying the appointment would now not be for months, BUT... they said they could do it a week later! YAY and hubby checked and will be able to get the day off as amazingly there was no one else with the time booked off too, which usually there is and is in fact the reason we are not able to spend our actual 10th wedding anniversary together :(


More hassles with my youngest's passport, we had the whole hassle of trying to get the photo and form countersigned as he was 8 months the last time had a passport, my lovely friend S.T was going to do it for me as she is a nurse but could not as her passport is in her maiden name and I did not want to cause hassle for her.
So we were luckily able to get his head teacher to do it.
But this morning I got a letter from the passport people saying they cannot accept his photos as he is wearing his glasses in them!!!!
Agrhhhhhh I even asked Snappy whether this was ok, they KNEW it was for a passport and they said it was fine.


So now we have to get new photos done, probably have to get the head teacher to certify again as they have returned the photo he certified and crossed out what he wrote.
I am going to take the original photo and the letter from the passport people back to Snappy and ask them whether they think it fair we should be expected to pay them another £6.99 for new photos.
Lucky the holiday is a couple of months away really isn't it?


Why can't anything just be straight forward?
My eldest son was meant to be attending a taster day for his college course which was to be on the day of his prom, he was not thrilled with the timing but had got used to the idea, then we get a letter from them this morning saying thanks to the planned teacher strikes they have had to change the day, arghhhh to the very same day we are all visiting my special brother in his care home all the way in Somerset!!!!
So another email sent to college to see what they suggest.


My youngest gets back from his 3 day trip in about an hour, 2 nights staying on a working farm!!! he is going to be filthy, but I am still going to cuddle him so tightly lol.


Oh well all going on as always

Mixed feelings

Not about wanting a baby of course. This afternoon, in our usual late post, my appointment letter for the fertility clinic arrived!! I surprised myself with my reaction; I cried, no totally sure why, maybe because it makes it more real that for whatever reason I can't get pregnant again and also maybe a little out of relief that someone might be able to help me achieve something I have longed for since about 2005.

I had just been half joking with hubby that we could guarantee the appointment would be for one of the days we will be away for our big family holiday this Summer, well I was almost right... it is for the Monday we are away for a long weekend (all we could manage due to the big family holiday) we are taking the kids away to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary.

I wanted to phone straight away to make sure I could get another appointment as soon as possible, hoping I would not have to wait ages. But as I read the letter for the 5th time I saw I could only phone them up to 12pm and of course our post did not even arrive util 12.45pm so arghhhhh too late and now I have to wait till tomorrow to try to change the appointment!!!

So I will be on that phone as early as possible tomorrow morning!

Tomorrow is also the day my youngest returns from his first ever residential school trip, he is not even 9 yet and since yesterday afternoon has been on a working farm in Hampshire.

I am missing him like crazy, he has been away with the in laws before, but this is sooooo different.

Today was a big day for my eldest son, it was his very last GCSE exam - a Food Technology retake. This also means today is the day my baby officially leaves school!!!!!

He came home totally stressed out as he feels he has failed the exam as he found it even harder than the first time he took it and got an E that time.

We won't get his results for another 2 months and he is so desperate to get the grades he needs for the college course he wants to do.

I am so proud of him, wish he could feel that way about himself, he has achieved so much in his life already with the things he has had to overcome.

My middle son is about to go into year 10 and will be starting his GCSE courses, so soon will have to go through it all again with him!!!

Oh well it is cycle day 16 today and according to my ovulation predictor tests not ovulating yet, but not giving up, watch this space as they say....

My appointment....

I saw my gp a few days ago, I went in there all prepared with my printed out information about when someone should be referred for fertility.


I showed him where it said I should be referred after trying for 6 months as I already had kids and he just said it was wrong and that it was 12 months and not 6 months!!! hmm obviously he is right and the whole NHS Trust must be wrong!!!


He said it didn't matter as I had now been trying for 12 months anyway.


He then started saying he would arrange blood and semen tests until I pointed out he had already done those.
He discussed those results again, saying my LH level was perfect and that as I came on a week after it was taken it was taken at the perfect time.


I told him I had removed the prolapse ring and he then decided he thinks the ring has been the problem and has probably acted like a contraceptive and that I will just fall pregnant now...hmmmm


He said he would now do my referral, he thinks I will see the fertility nurse first who will take a history and do a few other tests and then the consultant would probably try me on Clomid to help with ovulation.
He was not sure how long I would need to wait for an appointment.


In the meantime I am looking into using colour therapy and crystal healing to help with my fertility problems.
I am going to start carrying certain crystals around and wear some close to my skin and also look into making a fertility grid with them under/near my bed.
You never know!!!!

I wish I was announcing good news, but ....

You can probably guess what is coming next...


I started my period this morning, today was day 37 of my cycle.
I am totally gutted yet again, but this time it is actually worse because I had had such a positive feeling about this cycle, it was the first cycle of trying since I removed my prolapse ring pessary and I guess I had let myself believe that this had been the thing stopping me getting pregnant.


I did not have the ring when we conceived our other children, and I did have it when we tried and failed to conceive for the whole of 2008 so it made perfect sense to me.
But I guess I was wrong again!


Yesterday after watching a debate on tv about the IVF postcode lottery, I looked up my local NHS trust to see what they actually said about fertility treatment for my area.
It said if you did not have any children you should be referred for help after trying unsuccessfully for one year, BUT if you already had children you should be referred after trying unsuccessfully for 6 MONTHS!!!


I was upset/angry enough yesterday and planned to wait for what I was hoping was a missed period and then contact my gp again about if I needed to.
So this morning I have phoned and made an appointment to see my gp in 2 days time, I was originally going to ask to speak to him on the phone as he originally said when it came to making the review I would only need to phone him, but now I am so angry and disappointed I need to ask him why to his face, tell him how much worse he has made everything and make sure he does the referral there and then!


On our NHS Trust website it says they run an 18 week referral system, but no point asking my gp about that because it seems he is NOT aware of his own trust's guidelines.


I am still trying not to give myself my usual false hopes by wondering whether this is not a proper period (Implantation bleed, just a bleed etc) and also put out of my head my original plan to buy a test tomorrow and test on Friday morning, which I still keep thinking about as I DID bleed a little in beginning of my last pregnancy.
AGRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!!!


Will hopefully blog again after Friday's appointment!!

Playing the waiting game yet again!

Here we are again the time of every month I look forward to and dread at the same time, if that makes any sense whatsoever lol

As I said in my last blog, I ran out of ovulation tests this cycle just as they were starting to look like they were turning positive, we carried on playing it by ear and trying every other night over what seemed to be the right time.

I am a bit confused as to when my UNWANTED period is/was actually due, I use two online fertility charts and I think I put in the date my last period started slightly differently, it does get confusing as apparently you do not count from the first day you notice..anything, instead you are meant to count day one from the first day pf a proper flow (sorry if TMI yet again but it kind of goes with the territory.

So according to one fertility chart my period was due 2 days ago and according to the other it is due today.

I am using every little ounce of will power not to go pregnancy symptom spotting (despite my tingly boobs, headaches, tiredness.....)

I am not even THINKING of buying a pregnancy test until Thursday (Today is Monday btw lol) IF I do get to Thursday without period showing up I am planning to buy the test and test first thing on Friday morning.

I did not even look at the pregnancy tests when me and hubby went to Superdrug at the weekend, am very proud of that!

I am finding lots of things to distract me this month, for a start my eldest son Luke is doing his GCSEs, still cannot believe it even as I write that, this is something I have been terrified of since he was little and we first realised he had special needs.

I thought the whole battle to get him statemented and into the right secondary school was bad, but this whole exams and leaving school thing is HELL!!!!

Then there is the fact that hubby and I will have been married for a whole DECADE at the end of next month!!!!

Hubby bless him had really been hoping to take me away for a few days abroad, and is gutted we are not able to due to childcare.

I suggested a big (ish) party with family and friends etc instead, but he was against this idea.

So now we have decided we need to mark the occasion (Lets face it, in this day and age being married for 10 years IS quite and achievement!)

So we are taking the kids with us (of course) for a long weekend in Cornwall as it is where we had our first ever holiday alone together.

I am also organizing a small anniversary party in a local bar, but as my parents are babysitting we are not inviting any family.

I have too admit, it would be amazing to be pregnant by then....