Today is yet another anniversary for me, they are endless at the moment, one after the other to the point where I feel I am drowning and completely alone.
Today is a year since the day hubby and I were seen at the Fetal Care Unit, the day I had to go through that awful CVS test that still haunts me, it is the test they put this long needle through the abdomen, through into the womb and into the fragile placenta and they draw out some fluid and cells so they can test for the 52 different chromosome conditions.
It also means today is a year since the very last time i saw Bailey alive on a scan, he was actually too lively for the consultant at times and meant he had to wait ages for him to move away from the placenta long enough to perform the test.
Hubby will never forget seeing him swollowing fluid and blowing bubbles.
That day was a terrifying rollercoaster of raised and dashed hopes.
It was also the day my Mum and Dad left for their last ever holiday together, last Friday (16th August) was a year since i last saw my Mum alive, it was so painful but once again, as always I had to put on a front for everyone as I did not want to upset anyone else.
It is breaking my heart seeing more and more things my Mum would have loved to have seen and would have been a big part of, her grandsons birthdays and my eldest son getting accepted into university! then there is another big birthday soon as my middle son turns 16 and gets his GCSE results and of course this year my youngest living son starts secondary school.
Next Friday is a day I am dreading with all my heart, a year since the day my Mum died, another reminder how I was not there for her that day.
On the TTC front, there are scary times too, this evening I start the injectable ovulation drugs, I am terrified, then next week I have to go for a scan to see whether I am reacting to them, but what really petrifies me with that and the thing I have no idea how to face, is i have to go to the Early Pregnancy Unit for the scan, the very place I was when I had my 12 week scan and they first saw Bailey's bladder condition.
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