June already????

Can you believe how fast this year is going?

June already?

Guess I might as well update on this whole ttc thing, although sadly there really is not much to update on that score.

I had my clomid dose doubled last cycle, from 50mg to 100mg, I had to have my progesterone levels checked again to see whether I responded to this new dose, my level came back at 35 which according to the fertility nurse means I did respond.

I had been using a new type of digital ovulation tests, this one claims to predict the high fertility days as well as the actual ovulation days. Going by them I ovulated on cd15, but of course, then 14 days later yet another BFN on yet another test followed by yet another af from hell.

Hubby and I are due to see the fertility specialist again in July and I have to admit this time I am actually terrified as I will have had my 12 months of clomid which they said is the limit with Clomid, so I am really scared she is going to say that is all they can do for me and as I could not for some reason conceive without and now after 8 months trying it seems I can no longer conceive WITH it either.

This hurts even more than all that time I was desperate to try for another baby and hubby had doubts.

I am scared that my precious Bailey really was my last chance.

This weekend is going to be very emotional, Saturday 15th will be 9 months since my Bailey was born sleeping, then the next day is a really big one, it will be a whole year since I took that test and found out I was pregnant with Bailey, it is also Fathers Day here in UK and as if that is not enough I will be doing my first ever Race for Life for Cancer Research, I am doing it in memory of my Mum and my 10 year old son Charlie is doing it with me as I do not think I could bear the upset doing it completely alone.

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/helengreen93 

 

I have been decorating the sign I will wear on my back, it was hard writing that I am doing it for my mum, another reminder she is not here. I think the race is going to be emotional to say the least.

I hope I am able to do Mum proud even a little bit because coping with her loss and Bailey's is becoming harder and I am struggling to keep up the pretence  everyone wants to see that I am ok when the truth is I am not.