Another New Year, another heartache

Happy new year to everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas xx

As you can imagine Christmas was something my family and I had been dreading as it was the first one since my mum died. Normally my parents would visit us a few days before Christmas Day, I had invited them for the day many times and been told it was too awkward to get here with cabs etc, for a few years they had agreed to come Christmas Eve, but this had stopped too.

This year we invited my dad and brother over on Christmas Day and they came.
It was hard in the morning when my mother in law phoned to say Merry christmas to the kids as I always waited for the call from my parents and it hurt so much knowing I was never going to hear my mums voice on the phone again, I hid in the kitchen and cried.

Dad and my brother were in better spirits than I had expected but I guess like me they were probably doing it for the kids.

Boxing Day was the harder day for me, we went to the in laws and everyone was there, brother in laws, kids etc. I really struggled with the way no one mentioned my Bailey (or mum) I had given my in laws an xmas tree ornament shaped as an angel with the words GRANDSON  BAILEY on and hubby had put a rainbow sticker from Bailey in their card and still no one said his name.

I tried to keep my happy front up for hours but in the end it got too much and I ended up hiding away upstairs in tears trying to phone my dad.
Hubby ended up taking me out for a drive to get me away from everything and everyone.

We went away to Butlins for a few days between xmas and new years eve. That went well, the kids loved it.  
New years eve was always going to be a mix of emotions, I really wanted to see the back of what had been the hardest and most heartbreaking year of my life. But at the same time it meant saying goodbye to the last year I saw my mum and Bailey.
Again we invited my dad and brother over and spent a nice evening together.
At midnight we let off a chinese lantern.

Again it was when hubby phoned his mum to say happy new year it was like a kick in the chest because it was yet another tradition I can never have with my mum ever again.

Tomorrow is another big day, it is very special as it is our eldest son's 18th birthday, I am very excited but even that is tinged with sadness as my mum NEVER missed any of the boys birthdays, she and my dad would always come and spend their days with them, something hubbys parents have not done. She would have been so proud of having a grown up grandson. I will really feel her absence tomorrow.