Saturday was exactly 3 months since my precious angel boy Bailey was born.
We lit his candle for him, I have had the Julien Macdonald black vanilla scented candle for him ever since the day of his funeral in fact I really need to get a new one of them as it is running out and the smell reminds me of him so much I can't not have it in the house.
We would have gone to the crematorium but as I still have Bailey's ashes at home it was ok.
We spent some time alone shopping and having a quick drink in Bailey's honor.
I was so pleased to find this canvas in a shop (especially after seeing one in the angel mums group I am in)
The words mean a lot as we had the song played at the end of Bailey's funeral, at the moment those curtains closed around him and as ew eventually walked outside the chapel to look at his flower rainbow.
Sunday was another painful day, it was the due date for the little one we lost at 5 weeks in April this year, who Daniel has named "April"
We did try to launch a Chinese lantern from a local park, but typically as soon as we got in the car, it started pouring and got really windy so I was gutted when it did not work.
I was in tears over this, so in the end I came up the idea of lighting the lantern in the house and releasing it in our garden and our angels must have been happy with this because it worked beautifully.
Our lantern on its way to our angels Sunday December 16th 2012
Tomorrow is yet another difficult day, it will be 41 years since my mum and dad got married. I have decided to take my poor dad to the crematorium (If he wants to go of course) to see mum's memorial rose and Bailey's memorial of course, then am planning to take him to lunch as a surprise.
I know it will not be enough, but the day needs to be recognised.
Christmas is coming too fast now.
We are having my dad and younger brother over to ours on Christmas afternoon for dinner, it will be so strange as I have not seen them on Christmas since I left home at 19.
We are off to the in laws for Boxing Day so all going to be a bit stressful, not sure how I will be.
We have got an appointment through to see the fertility consultant again in mid January, the day we got Bailey's post mortem results the consultant there was annoyed we had been discharged and felt I should be under them still especially as we are trying once again.
Please keep us in your thoughts xxx