DEFINITELY not my month

Well I can officially confirm I have not managed to conceive this month, I can confirm this because I am now in the second week of the period from HELL!!!!

As much as I know I should know better by now I admit I was still a little hopeful when my period started so light, I kept searching the internet for stories of women having periods but still being pregnant.
It does seem to happen and in fact during two of my other pregnancies I did have bleeding, you see I have the ever helpful condition/disease endometreosis which although a total nightmare when it comes to pain. bleeding and yuckiness, it does manage to give mmy imagination an excuse to carry on dreaming of positive pregnancy tests when deep down I know I have missed the boat that particular month.

My monthly cycles appear to be as regular as clockwork in that something starts happening every 28 days, but every month for as long as I can remember now it has also meant as regular as clockwork I have a really light period for exactly 5 days and on that fifth day when my monthly visitor SHOULD be well and trully leaving, I am instead starting ANOTHER 4/5 days of another much heavier visit!

So my poor darling husband is now preparing himself for another month of ME!!!!!
That is if this period EVER ends!!!!!

Fingers crossed for a February conception and a ;positive result on the First Response test I still have tormenting me from the shelf of our bathroom cabinet.

Not my month

Well I was feeling so positive a week ago, I was feeling sick on and off all day everyday, I had all the right aches and pains and I was so pleased with my unusually strong will power in not dashing out to Boots to buy a pregnancy test.

I had already decided that despite all the promises made by the likes of First Response and Clearblue to give you a result before your period (or af as all those forums call it) is even due.
Nope not me, not this time I was waiting untill the weekend after my period was due (it was due Tuesday, so this was a real test of self control for me lol)

I did have to relent a little annd test on the Friday (Yesterday) as my friends had aranged a good old drink up , or BIG PISS UP!! as she actually called it in her text lol
So I thought I would test that morning.
I did start 'spotting' a day before, but tried to fool myself that this could also be a good sugn and I read so many other women had had it and were still pregnant.

So Friday morning I took my youngest son to school and spoke to one of the very few people I had told we were/ARE even trying for a baby, she was relieved to hear I was "Finally" taking a test and I promised to go straight to the chemist and straight home to test and that I would do the test as soon as I got home and that she would be the first to hear any result!

I was suprised when I saw I could get a pack of two First Response 'Early Result' tests for £7.99!!
I planned to take one test that day and then retest a week later.

As I know you are likely to get a more accurate result if you take the pregnancy test using your first wee of the day (as it is more concentrated), but did not have the test first thing that morning, I had been resourceful and had saved the norning's sample in an old contact lense pot I had cleaned out.

So I rushed home, trying to convince myself the test would be negative but at the same time imagining telling my husband he was going to be a dad again!

I barely got my coat off as I rushed upstairs and did the test!
But as you can tell from the title, it was not good news!! :(

It was not a great day, but at least getting my period this morning might stop me getting so hopeful and excited next time...

But I doubt it.

My story so far...

I have to start off by admitting I am totallly new to blog writing so just hope someone bares with me.
I am starting this blog on one of best and oldest friend's 36th birthday, the day after she told her family she is pregnant with her 5th child.
I love her, we have been so close since we were in secondary school together, although we had actually met when we were 8.
K is one of those women who only has to say she likes the idea odf having a baby and boom, she's pregnant!

When your body is telling you you NEED to have a baby, suddenly everyone around you is pregnant, even the ones who were barely even thinking about trying for a baby.
Then you have to deal with that cocktail of emotions, you are happy for your friends, you do want the best for them, BUT inside you there is the unwanted, uncontrollable feeling of "Why can't it be me?"

I have felt this several times not only when hearing about these easily achieved pregnancies, but I hate to admit it there have also been pangs when my friends have sent me the text or called to announce the births of their beautiful little girls.
Please don't think these pangs change the fact I am crazily in love with my three beautiful boys, but there are some feelings you just cannot control aren't there?

We are celebrating our eldest son's 16th birthday this week, I can't get my head around how fast my little boy has grown up.
We have another teenager in the house, who is quickly fitting the sterotype I am sorry to say lol, then there is the current baby of the family who will be 9 this year.

A few years ago I started to get that familiar craving for a baby, but my husbands heart was not quite in it to say the least, this caused a lot of upset and issues for me,
But in December last year (last month I guess you can say) we had a major heart to heart and we have decided to try for one more baby...YAY!!!!!

I am trying soooo hard not to get my hopes up and to not become obsessed with becoming pregnant, but here I am writing a blooming blog about it, so guess that's not really working is it? lol

I was just 19 and still living at home when I went to see my doctor with pains in my lower abdomen thinking it was a cyst my doctor sent my off to the loo to do a sample and said she was going to run a pregnancy test before refering me to hospital for a scan, I was terrified, I had only been with my man for a year and was not even thinking about the possibility of pregnancy.
I sat in her office while the doctor took a phone call, she oh so casually covered the handset, looked at the test and said "well that's positive" then carried on with her call untill she noticed I had turned into a human jelly and could not stop shaking.
I shook like that all the way home and nearly collapsed when I showed my dad the positive pregnancy test and he said "what does that mean?" lol
About a month later when he started speaking to me again I was able to stop shaking
Well that is untill I gave birth to my 5lb 14oz scrawny chicken of a baby.

I was diagnosed with the dreaded endometreosis a year after my first babe was born, I was told the best treatment for it was to get pregnant (don't you just love advice like that?) We started trying that month (October) and by my young mums groups xmas party that year I was pregnant with my second.
I found out straight after the party, I had accompanied a friend to a family planning clinic as she wanted to go on the pill, I just wanted advice on how I was supposed to know if and when I managed to fall pregnant when I was constantly bleeding.
The doctor inisisted I take a pregnancy test there and then just for my notes, I was not keen and had a bit of a moan about not wanting to go through the disappointment, but went along with it.
Again the doctor was cool as anything when the line appeared on the test.

I found out I was expecting my third son on our first xmas day as a married couple! it was a lovely way to find out. We had been trying since our wedding in the July.

Since then I have been seen by a brilliant but slightly kooky gynaecologist who told me I have a prolapse and talked about hysterectomies and frightening things like that.
She did encourage me to would supporthave another baby and even said she would support me throughout a pregnancy, I just hope she's still working there if and when I do manage to get pregnant this time!

So that brings up to where we are right now, ...trying like bunnies lol and counting days and trying not to get excited with signs and symptoms.
Today is day 18 of what is hopefully a normal 28 day cycle......