A little more hope

I am writing this on the Monday following my rescan.
I was going to waffle on before this but just can't lol
I was absolutely terrified about it, I was so scared they might still only see an empty little sac, I could not sleep a wink the night before and felt so ill all evening.
The scan went well, really well,except my hubby did not come to this one either unfortunately which was upsetting.
But the same friend was very keen to come with me bless her.
We were seen late of course but had another very nice sonographer who as soon as she started the internal scan she said it was good news which was the biggest relief.

She then asked me again to tilt my hips up (Must remember to ask whether I have a funny shaped uterus lol)
Then she turned the screen to me and I saw my little rainbow (A beautiful term for babies conceived after a loss)
This little thing was wrigging away and I could see the tiny heart beating away even before she pointed it out to me
My friend said he/she looked like a little HAMSTER!!!
I was amazed how much bigger Rainbow seemed than I had expected and also that so much could have changed in just 2 weeks since the first scan.
I asked for a picture and was given ...

She said I was going to be 8 weeks the following day and so my new estimated due date was a few days later than it had been going by my last period, my new date is March 1st, although this might of course change at my 12 week scan in 3 weeks time.

I got a call from my gp saying I needed to see her for my first antenatal last week, I went to this and to be honest it was a bit pointless.

She gave me my hospital notes file but did not fill anything in, no medical history etc at all. She did take my blood pressure and weight and said they were fine.

She also gave me the form for my maternity excemption certificate for free prescriptions and dental care which I have sent off.

I told her I had a booking in appointment with the midwife this week and she said there was no point as she had done it, but when I phoned the midwife she said gps don't do the booking in properly as they need to do bloode tests etc so I am still having my first midwife appointment tomorrow.

My 12 week scan is in 3 weeks and as long as everything is still ok we will hopefully then tell the world.

It will be a very busy day tomorrow as it is also the day the Olympiic torch arrives in our town.



Hello again hope!!!!

First of all to anyone who follows my blog (If there is anyone of course lol) I am sorry it has been a while since I last updated, but things have been busy.

On June the 16th, the day before Fathers Day here in the UK, about 4 days before my second period after my miscarriage was due we were going to a family birthday barbque I randomly decided to take a First Response pregnancy test, it was only 11 days past ovulation (i had got a positive opk on cd14) so was not really expecting anything....
BUT the fanitest pink line appeared, I carried that test around with me all day and kept looking at it trying so hard not to get excited and in fact tried to convince myself I seeing things.


I took another First Response two days later and the line was much clearer, then still not totally convinced I took a Clearblue digital test another two days later and the word "PREGNANT" came up straight away, then after what felt like ages up came 1-2 weeks.
I burst into tears as it instantly reminded me of the same test result a week before I lost my little one in April.

I never got any further than the 1-2 weeks in that pregnancy so I must admit I did become a bit obsessed with needing to see those weeks go up.
So I took another digital five days later and was so relieved to see 2-3 weeks pop up after what felt like a lifetime again.
I was more impatient this time and  only waited till the end of that week to take yet another digital test and was a little gutted to see another 2-3 weeks instead of the 3+ I so desperately wanted to see.
A few days later after talking to online communities I did take another digital and was stunned when despite not taking it first thing in the morning the words PREGNANT and the precious 3+ popped up super fast!!!

We kept our appointment with the fertility specialist, for some reason it was not the man I usually see, but some locum who was basically just pleased to get the chance to discharge a patient and kept saying that it was brilliant I had managed to get pregnant twice on Clomid, despite the fact I had miscarried the first time and it was only 2 months before.
I told her how scared I was of going through it again and she said I should ask the early pregnancy unit for an early scan, I then had to explain it is not as easy as that as I know from having my youngest it was hard for my gp to get me seen there even when I was bleeding so eventuallly she said she would try talking to them while we waited in the waiting area again.
The nurse came back with an appointment for.... TODAY!!!!!

I am writing the rest of this post AFTER the scan.....

As is always the way the scan ended up being the day hubby could not  make it as he had his poor uncle's funneral a long way away.
Luckily a friend offered to come with me, she drove and I paid for the car park.
I was so so nervous sitting in the waiting room, made worse by the fact that the fertility nurse had phoned me in the morning and when I had told her I was nervous her strange and scary response was to say "So am I"
So by the time I was called into the scan room I was shaking.
As I was under 8 weeks they had to do an internal scan which although uncomfortable was not painful.
I could not see the screen but after the lady doing the scan asked me to raise my hips on my hands I knew there probably was not much to see.
They had said when I came in that it was too early to see anything, but I was still disappointed when they said all they could see was a gestational sac, they said this was good news as it was proof of pregnancy, proof it was not in a tube and that it was the right size.
They booked me to come back in exactly 2 weeks time when they said they expect to see the baby and heartbeat.
So that means two more weeks of worry.

I am not sure whether hubby will even be at that one either, have to wait and see, but at least my friend is keen to come with me again if he can't.

We did go ahead and tell our kids about the baby last night, we talked about it and decided we would have told them by now if I had not been having the scans and I hated to keeping it all from them.
We have of course explained it is early days and what they said about the scan but they seemed happy.
Just hope I don't let them down again.

Hubby has told his family,and mine know but I am waiting to do the whole Facebook thing once I have had my 12 week scan next month.
So here we go again lol ........