I have realised I am jut not strong enough to pretend I am "Fine" with failing to get pregant aain this month, every other month I have had my bad day and then just popped on a smile and told everyone it is onwards and upwards to the next month of trying.
But this month is different, it is because this month was meant to be OUR month, all the stress I had hoped might be causing the problem was over with and then there were all those new symptoms that were so strong even hubby could not stop saying he thought we had cracked it.
My boobs were not just a little uncomfortable as they get around that time of the month, no, this month they were agony and were masssive, especially around the sides.
Then there was the change to my mood, usually around the dreaded period time I get irritable and angry, but this month was totally different, I could not watch programmes I had seen a million times without bursting into tears (this is still the case)
I took sooooooo many pregnancy tests desperate to see that second line and praying it was just a matter of hours or days before I would see it and then the heartbreaking sight of red spots started, I still wanted to believe it was nothing and that the second line would come on one of those hundreds of tests I was taking, but sure enough the spotting just got really heavy, really quick and I had to yet again admit defeat and start counting my cycle from day 1 yet again.
It also meant I had to get on the phone to the hospital again to see whether they could book me in for the test I had so hoped I was not going to need; the HSG xray.
The lady on the phone could not have been more different to the rude, insensitive and totally unhelpful woman I had had to deal with last month.
This lady instantly said I am sorry to hear you need to have this test and asked how long my period normally lasts as they are not able to perform it while still bleeding, I half laughed as I am not consistant in any way with any aspect of my cycles any more, but told her it can be around 7 days, she asked whether I thought 8 days might be long enough, I said I hope so and she gave me an appointment for next Tuesday at 9am, she asked whether there was anyone who could stay with me after the proceedure, which luckily is the case as hubby is hopefully going to book the day off and be with me.
I am unbelievably nervous about it as I know it can be painful and also because there is always the chance it might tell me there is a problem with my tubes or womb etc.
We are not due to see the fertility specialist again untill the end of November (A LIFETIME away) so not sure how much we are likely to be told on the day of the proceedure.
Another thing I am really struggling to deal with this month is the insensitive people I seem to be having to face this week, now I know I am bound to be a little sensitive, but these people seem to think that just because I am not standing there in floods of tears, or not collapsed in a heap, that I am fine and ok with everything.
I have had to deal with a very pregnant neighbour telling me how all she needs to do is look at her other half and she is pregnant, that none of her kids were planned and that "It must be sooo annoying for people like you who are not able to get pregnant anymore to see people like me who do it without even thinking about it!"
I could not deal with it and just left but she said it as if it was fine and did not have a clue how it felt to listen to.
Then the same day I met up with some of the playground mums I know and (One of them also struggled to get pregnant after having children and does understand) but I was quite upset by another couple of them. I mentioned that hubby's boss has said he might need him to go away for work for a few days in the new year, I was not even talking about the trying for a baby thing, but one of them turned around and said "Ooooh that will mess up your little plans then, at this rate you are never going to get pregant are you?" I even pointed out that this was months away but she just said "Well you are obviously not going to be pregnant by then anyway are you"
Not wanting a row or for anyone to see me cry (Getting harder to avaoid right now) I used the excuse of my son being grumpy (which he was) and went home.
I just feel like shutting myself away, it does not help that this period is being a particularly bad one either.
Sorry if my blogs are getting a bit depressing
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Monday, 19 September 2011
I HATE THIS!!!!
Sorry, I need to start by warning you this is a total venting blog as I have to let all this out before I crumble completely.
Today is day 33 in my cycle and according to the ovulation predicton tests I used it is also about 14 days past ovulation.
For the last week hubby and I have been becoming more and more convinced we might actually have cracked it this month and in fact I have been taking pregnancy tests DAILY (often more than one) for the last 8 days.
We have been this convinced because I have had symptoms I have NOT had the entire time we have been trying for this baby.
My boobs have been very painful which is not normal for me, even time of the month I just get discomfort for a day or so, but they have been hurting for 8 days, they have also definitely got bigger.
Also I have been so tearful, normally time of the month I am short tempered, but this tearful thing is different, I have been bursting into tears watching silly things on tv that I have seen a million times before.
But all the tests have been coming up as negative as they can possibly be.
Then this morning there was pale pink spotting inside which was devastating.
Hubby will not be home from work for another 7 and a half hours, I am not telling him about the spotting until he comes home, because as he works so far from home I know he hates knowing I am so upset when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it, bless him.
It is so much worse this month for it to be looking like yet another failure, because this month IS soooo different and because for the first time I can see hubby actually wants this baby too.
Yesterday we went out looking at bigger cars and he was even talking about where a baby seat would go.
Hubby really thought this month would be the one because all the stresses I have had this year were finally over.
So now if this really is not our month yet again, I will be back to hoping the hospital will be able to finally do the scary HSG xray on my tubes that they let me down with last month.
I have to let them know as soon as I definitely start my period as the test has to be performed within the first 10 days of my cycle, but also cannot be performed while there is any bleeding, as my periods can go on for as long as 6 to 10 days I am also worried about this.
We are due to see out fertility specialist again at the end of November and he obviously wants all the tests he ordered done by then, we only have the HSG and a repeat sperm analysis to get done.
He wants hubby to take Wellman conception vitamins for 2 months before repeating the analysis as he wants to see whether it improves the motility at all, he had started taking them again but after a mystery illness had had to stop taking them for a while so is back on them, makes it hard to know how long he has taken them for.
I have three beautiful boys and I KNOW I am sooooo lucky to even have them, but I feel utterly useless and damaged for not being able to conceive any more, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??????????????
Today is day 33 in my cycle and according to the ovulation predicton tests I used it is also about 14 days past ovulation.
For the last week hubby and I have been becoming more and more convinced we might actually have cracked it this month and in fact I have been taking pregnancy tests DAILY (often more than one) for the last 8 days.
We have been this convinced because I have had symptoms I have NOT had the entire time we have been trying for this baby.
My boobs have been very painful which is not normal for me, even time of the month I just get discomfort for a day or so, but they have been hurting for 8 days, they have also definitely got bigger.
Also I have been so tearful, normally time of the month I am short tempered, but this tearful thing is different, I have been bursting into tears watching silly things on tv that I have seen a million times before.
But all the tests have been coming up as negative as they can possibly be.
Then this morning there was pale pink spotting inside which was devastating.
Hubby will not be home from work for another 7 and a half hours, I am not telling him about the spotting until he comes home, because as he works so far from home I know he hates knowing I am so upset when he is so far away and cannot do anything about it, bless him.
It is so much worse this month for it to be looking like yet another failure, because this month IS soooo different and because for the first time I can see hubby actually wants this baby too.
Yesterday we went out looking at bigger cars and he was even talking about where a baby seat would go.
Hubby really thought this month would be the one because all the stresses I have had this year were finally over.
So now if this really is not our month yet again, I will be back to hoping the hospital will be able to finally do the scary HSG xray on my tubes that they let me down with last month.
I have to let them know as soon as I definitely start my period as the test has to be performed within the first 10 days of my cycle, but also cannot be performed while there is any bleeding, as my periods can go on for as long as 6 to 10 days I am also worried about this.
We are due to see out fertility specialist again at the end of November and he obviously wants all the tests he ordered done by then, we only have the HSG and a repeat sperm analysis to get done.
He wants hubby to take Wellman conception vitamins for 2 months before repeating the analysis as he wants to see whether it improves the motility at all, he had started taking them again but after a mystery illness had had to stop taking them for a while so is back on them, makes it hard to know how long he has taken them for.
I have three beautiful boys and I KNOW I am sooooo lucky to even have them, but I feel utterly useless and damaged for not being able to conceive any more, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??????????????
Thursday, 8 September 2011
A new term begins!!!
Here we are, September again and the start of another school year. It is a bit different though this year, firstly because my eldest son kicked arse in his GCSEs and is now begining his A Levels!!!
He beat all expectations and predictions and gained an A in Sociology and 5 Cs in Maths, English Language, Science (which he also got a BTEC C in) Food Technology and History
As soon as he opened that envelope he announced he wanted to do A Levels and not the BTEC at college.
So today he begins his Sociology, Health and Socialcare and Media studies courses.
My middle son is starting his GCSE courses and my youngest is in his second to last year of primary school.
Also this is the first time in 3 years I am not not starting the school term at work, as I gave it up for many reasons including supporting my son through the stress of his GCSEs.
So what other news do I have???....
Ha, fooled you, nooooo I am still not pregnant
But we are of course still trying and hubby is still convinced it will happen for us, even after all this time.
Hubby finally told his very surprised family that we are trying, we were on holiday with all his family!!! (Possibly did not help with my stress levels lol along with the fact hubby was ill again and we ended up rushing to see the private doctor on our FIRST morning as his throat was closing up - soooo scary again)
Towards the end of the holiday I was getting a bit upset as father in law kept commenting that I was broody everytime I looked at, held or spoke to a baby and hubby said nothing, then one night he suddenly told his mum who seemed happy at the idea, but of course assumed we are trying for a girl and told me how happy hubby would be to have a little girl.
So now we are home again and playing the trying and waiting game, today is day 22 in my cycle, we got home from holiday on Sunday and on Monday I took a digital ovulation test and got a positive, the next day it was negative (I normally get 2/3 days of positive results) so although we did the deed as they say, lol on Sunday night (God knows where we got that energy from), Monday morning, Monday night and even Tuesday night.
I cannot understand where we are going wrong as we have tried religiously whenever that smiley face or line have shown us the green light on those ovulation prediction kits, but maybe the key is to carry on for a few more days AFTER those precious positives????
More and more of my lovely cyber friends on the trying to conceive forum I post on are falling pregnant and pretty soon I will be the last one still trying.
Oh well, got to keep beleiving I guess, but that is getting sooooo much harder to keep doing.
He beat all expectations and predictions and gained an A in Sociology and 5 Cs in Maths, English Language, Science (which he also got a BTEC C in) Food Technology and History
As soon as he opened that envelope he announced he wanted to do A Levels and not the BTEC at college.
So today he begins his Sociology, Health and Socialcare and Media studies courses.
My middle son is starting his GCSE courses and my youngest is in his second to last year of primary school.
Also this is the first time in 3 years I am not not starting the school term at work, as I gave it up for many reasons including supporting my son through the stress of his GCSEs.
So what other news do I have???....
Ha, fooled you, nooooo I am still not pregnant
But we are of course still trying and hubby is still convinced it will happen for us, even after all this time.
Hubby finally told his very surprised family that we are trying, we were on holiday with all his family!!! (Possibly did not help with my stress levels lol along with the fact hubby was ill again and we ended up rushing to see the private doctor on our FIRST morning as his throat was closing up - soooo scary again)
Towards the end of the holiday I was getting a bit upset as father in law kept commenting that I was broody everytime I looked at, held or spoke to a baby and hubby said nothing, then one night he suddenly told his mum who seemed happy at the idea, but of course assumed we are trying for a girl and told me how happy hubby would be to have a little girl.
So now we are home again and playing the trying and waiting game, today is day 22 in my cycle, we got home from holiday on Sunday and on Monday I took a digital ovulation test and got a positive, the next day it was negative (I normally get 2/3 days of positive results) so although we did the deed as they say, lol on Sunday night (God knows where we got that energy from), Monday morning, Monday night and even Tuesday night.
I cannot understand where we are going wrong as we have tried religiously whenever that smiley face or line have shown us the green light on those ovulation prediction kits, but maybe the key is to carry on for a few more days AFTER those precious positives????
More and more of my lovely cyber friends on the trying to conceive forum I post on are falling pregnant and pretty soon I will be the last one still trying.
Oh well, got to keep beleiving I guess, but that is getting sooooo much harder to keep doing.
Wednesday, 24 August 2011
And so it begins...
All the tests and investigations have started. After having my day 2 hormones blood test last week, this week it was time for my oh so lovely internal ultrasound scan to check my ovaries for cysts and my uterus for fibroids and other nasties.
I was soooo nervous about it, silly really after having 3 kids and countless nasty, undignified smear tests.
I sat in the seriously packed ultrasound waiting room trying not to get myself any more worked up, dread to think what I will be like when ot comes to the big dye xray!!!
I was so all over the place it wasn't until I got home that I even realised the rude woman from the xray department last week was actually working on the reception of the ultrasound department!!!
Anyway, when my name was called I followed a very nice nurse into the changing booth, I must have looked scared because she put her hand on my shoulder and said "It really won't be that bad"
So dressed in my oh so sexy hospital gown I shuffled into the scan room and came face to face with one of the mums from my son's old primary school!!!
Lol she was lovely and said I could have someone else do the scan, but I just thought "Sod it, if I have to wait again I will be a total wreck!" so I said it was fine and in fact it was better as she was really chatty with me and with that and the fact it was so funny and surreal having an internal scan done by someone I knew it did take my mind off what was happening.
So much so I almost forgot to ask whether everything looked ok!
She said the ovaries looked normal and had no cysts and that the uterus did not have anything it shouldn't have in it (Unfortunately still doesn't have what it SHOULD have in it either though)
She asked whether they have checked hormones and told me a bit about the scary HSG xray and that was that!
I guess it is a good thing, well of course it is a good thing they did not find any cysts etc, but I can't help feeling a bit lost as I am still left without an answer to why this is not working anymore.
I just really want to get my last and most dreaded test over with so I can find out what our next step is, if there is one.
I got what I think was meant to be a reply from the patient liason people, it just went on about how sometimes when consultants are away there is no one to cover for them and how ill patients get prioritised over these tests????
Apart from not making any real sense, they also managed to ignore/not read the part where I told them how rude and unhelpful their receptionist was to me.
I just hope next month is different
I was soooo nervous about it, silly really after having 3 kids and countless nasty, undignified smear tests.
I sat in the seriously packed ultrasound waiting room trying not to get myself any more worked up, dread to think what I will be like when ot comes to the big dye xray!!!
I was so all over the place it wasn't until I got home that I even realised the rude woman from the xray department last week was actually working on the reception of the ultrasound department!!!
Anyway, when my name was called I followed a very nice nurse into the changing booth, I must have looked scared because she put her hand on my shoulder and said "It really won't be that bad"
So dressed in my oh so sexy hospital gown I shuffled into the scan room and came face to face with one of the mums from my son's old primary school!!!
Lol she was lovely and said I could have someone else do the scan, but I just thought "Sod it, if I have to wait again I will be a total wreck!" so I said it was fine and in fact it was better as she was really chatty with me and with that and the fact it was so funny and surreal having an internal scan done by someone I knew it did take my mind off what was happening.
So much so I almost forgot to ask whether everything looked ok!
She said the ovaries looked normal and had no cysts and that the uterus did not have anything it shouldn't have in it (Unfortunately still doesn't have what it SHOULD have in it either though)
She asked whether they have checked hormones and told me a bit about the scary HSG xray and that was that!
I guess it is a good thing, well of course it is a good thing they did not find any cysts etc, but I can't help feeling a bit lost as I am still left without an answer to why this is not working anymore.
I just really want to get my last and most dreaded test over with so I can find out what our next step is, if there is one.
I got what I think was meant to be a reply from the patient liason people, it just went on about how sometimes when consultants are away there is no one to cover for them and how ill patients get prioritised over these tests????
Apart from not making any real sense, they also managed to ignore/not read the part where I told them how rude and unhelpful their receptionist was to me.
I just hope next month is different
Friday, 19 August 2011
Two blogs in one week?????????/
Well this has to be a first for me, blogging twice in the same week! But after this morning I just had to get this off my chest and basically you (Whoever MIGHT be reading this, as I have never had any comments I might even be writing to no body lol)
It probably goes without saying but ...I have failed yet again to get pregnant, period number 9 (Or number 21 if you include the whole of 2008's failed attempt) started yesterday and is in full painful force today.
I tried to take positive proactive action instead of just curling up and crying like I am inside, so I took myself off to the hospital for my repeated day2 hormone blood test (They are testing my FSH level to see whether I am near menopause and testing my LH level to see whether I am ovulating)
I had this done and then went off to the xray department to inform them I have started another cycle as they requested so they could book me in for the Hysterosalpingogram xray as it has to be done within the first 10 days of the cycle.
So I popped up at the reception desk and explained why I was there, the...lady said I could not have the test done "Here and now", I explained I understood this because I knew I had to take the antibiotics and painkillers an hour before and said I had only come instead of phoning as I was at the hospital for the blood test anyway.
That was when this woman showed exactly how kind, professional and sensitive she was, she said "Can I finish? you cannot have the test AT ALL this month as the consultant who does them is away so I am telling everyone they will have to TRY again NEXT MONTH!"
I was stunned and gutted and said I could not believe there was only ONE person in the whole hospital (Which is not some little country hospital, but instead a large general one) and I would be in touch.
I went home with my oldest and youngest sons who were with me, got angry and then got on my trusty lap top and emailed PALS (Patient liason) to get them to explain the obsurd situation and to tell them how rude their front line staff were. I am waiting to hear back...
It probably goes without saying but ...I have failed yet again to get pregnant, period number 9 (Or number 21 if you include the whole of 2008's failed attempt) started yesterday and is in full painful force today.
I tried to take positive proactive action instead of just curling up and crying like I am inside, so I took myself off to the hospital for my repeated day2 hormone blood test (They are testing my FSH level to see whether I am near menopause and testing my LH level to see whether I am ovulating)
I had this done and then went off to the xray department to inform them I have started another cycle as they requested so they could book me in for the Hysterosalpingogram xray as it has to be done within the first 10 days of the cycle.
So I popped up at the reception desk and explained why I was there, the...lady said I could not have the test done "Here and now", I explained I understood this because I knew I had to take the antibiotics and painkillers an hour before and said I had only come instead of phoning as I was at the hospital for the blood test anyway.
That was when this woman showed exactly how kind, professional and sensitive she was, she said "Can I finish? you cannot have the test AT ALL this month as the consultant who does them is away so I am telling everyone they will have to TRY again NEXT MONTH!"
I was stunned and gutted and said I could not believe there was only ONE person in the whole hospital (Which is not some little country hospital, but instead a large general one) and I would be in touch.
I went home with my oldest and youngest sons who were with me, got angry and then got on my trusty lap top and emailed PALS (Patient liason) to get them to explain the obsurd situation and to tell them how rude their front line staff were. I am waiting to hear back...
Wednesday, 17 August 2011
Don't know what to think this month.
Hope everyone out there is managing to enjoy the Summer holidays.
Mine have been pretty stressful so far, with hospital visits, kids birthdays, homework and a poorly hubby.
Yesterday was my youngest son's 9th birthday, not easy to keep him (or his brothers) entertained when I am on my own, hubby works long hours and travels pretty far to get to work.
I ended up getting a couple of my son's friends to meet us in the park, the plan was meant to be a birthday picnic/party but basically turned out to be me bringing cakes & cookies for everyone and that was it.
Oh well at least my son did not seem to notice and seemed to have fun.
We went out for pizza when hubby got home and came home for birthday cake so all were happy oh and he loved his presents so seemed to be a good day overall for him.
It was even more of a shame hubby was at work because having carried on going to work all last week despite really not being well with a weird rash that seemed to move around his body, swollen hands and night sweats.
I was then woken before 6am on Saturday morning by hubby in a bit of a panic as his lips were severely swollen and hurting him, as were his hands and feet, so we had no choice but to rush off to A & E.
As our 2 other boys are older we were able to leave them in charge of the younger one for short space of time.
We arrived to a very busy A & E which was mainly busy to to the 3 young men being treated while being escorted by 3 policce officers each!
When we did get seen by a doctor they became very concerned about hubby's swellings (lol sorry not sure how else to phrase it) their main concern was the possibility of his throat swelling up too and affecting breathing as he was complaining of a bit of a sore throat.
Obviously one thought was it was some sort of severe allergic reaction, but that was ruled out as it would have shown sooner and because we had not had anything different food wise or anything.
As we knew we were going to be there a long time I phoned hubby's parents as he thought they might be able to have the kids stay at their house overnight to make things easier whether hubby had to stay in or not.
In laws were able to come over, they took the kids home with them as father in law wanted to get home as he had work he wanted to finish.
I kept updating the inlaws by text as I did not want to leave hubby for long as we had no idea what was wrong.
When I did phone in laws back they said they would need to bring the kids back in the afternoon as they had made arangements to go out for dinner, so I then had to phone my parents to see whether they were able to sit with the kids at our house from 4pm (the latest inlaws could be with them till)
Luckily my parents were able to do so or I would have had to leave a very stressed out hubby alone at the hospital.
So hubby had various tests including 2 ECGs as they were a bit concerned after the first, a chest x ray looking for infection, countless blood tests which showed nothing apart from something being slightly raised which they thought might indicate some infection somewhere but they were unable to see where. He was given an intravenous dose of antibiotics just incase as well as steroids, fluids and Piriton.
We were kept on the emergency observation ward where hubby was seen by more doctors and nurses who referred to him as "Our mystery man"
His swollen lips kept getting better then getting worse again and the weird red patches were still moving around his body.
In the end we were sent home with 5 days worth of steroids, 7 days of hydrocortisone tablets and told to wait for the results of the blood cultures they took to see whether they could find any infection or bug in hubby's blood (Of course we have not heard anything) we got home 11 hours after we had arrived at hospital.
Hubby spent pretty much the whole of Sunday asleep in bed so that was our weekend.
I managed to convince him not to rush straight back to work first thing Monday, I understand he worries as he does NOT get paid ANY sick pay (Yes even if he is ill enough to be hospitalised!) but it does not seem to get through to him that carrying on going to work when ill till he gets to the point of needing to go to hospital for emergency treatment is worse!
(This is the 3rd time this has happened by the way)
So he went back to work yesterday, much to our youngest's disappointment.
He came home totally exhausted bless him. We are just hoping he does not get worse again after his tablets finish this weekend as we still are none the wiser as to what it is.
Anyway onto the baby making mission, today is day 31 in my cycle.
I have received an appointment for my first test, this is the internal ultrasound scan which I will be having in 6 days time.
This month I have not used any ovulation prediction tests at all, I had run out and was so disappointed last month I basically thought sod it as they were not helping me and had just got my hopes up yet again.
So this month I just tried to judge it myself and try to relax a bit.
It is hard, if not impossible to say when my period is actually due as I am now completely irregular, but the fertility calendars I have been using are going by average and saying it is around next week so about 5 days time VERY roughly!
But this morning I woke up with aches and pains and spotting when I check myself so I am not getting my hopes up (Not that there is any point doing that anymore anyway)
TRYING to think positively, IF I am starting another cycle it does mean I can get my blood test and scary xray done before we go on holiday as if I don't start until we are away it would mean having to wait yet another whole month/cycle before I can have them done as they need to be done at certain points in my cycle.
So .............
Mine have been pretty stressful so far, with hospital visits, kids birthdays, homework and a poorly hubby.
Yesterday was my youngest son's 9th birthday, not easy to keep him (or his brothers) entertained when I am on my own, hubby works long hours and travels pretty far to get to work.
I ended up getting a couple of my son's friends to meet us in the park, the plan was meant to be a birthday picnic/party but basically turned out to be me bringing cakes & cookies for everyone and that was it.
Oh well at least my son did not seem to notice and seemed to have fun.
We went out for pizza when hubby got home and came home for birthday cake so all were happy oh and he loved his presents so seemed to be a good day overall for him.
It was even more of a shame hubby was at work because having carried on going to work all last week despite really not being well with a weird rash that seemed to move around his body, swollen hands and night sweats.
I was then woken before 6am on Saturday morning by hubby in a bit of a panic as his lips were severely swollen and hurting him, as were his hands and feet, so we had no choice but to rush off to A & E.
As our 2 other boys are older we were able to leave them in charge of the younger one for short space of time.
We arrived to a very busy A & E which was mainly busy to to the 3 young men being treated while being escorted by 3 policce officers each!
When we did get seen by a doctor they became very concerned about hubby's swellings (lol sorry not sure how else to phrase it) their main concern was the possibility of his throat swelling up too and affecting breathing as he was complaining of a bit of a sore throat.
Obviously one thought was it was some sort of severe allergic reaction, but that was ruled out as it would have shown sooner and because we had not had anything different food wise or anything.
As we knew we were going to be there a long time I phoned hubby's parents as he thought they might be able to have the kids stay at their house overnight to make things easier whether hubby had to stay in or not.
In laws were able to come over, they took the kids home with them as father in law wanted to get home as he had work he wanted to finish.
I kept updating the inlaws by text as I did not want to leave hubby for long as we had no idea what was wrong.
When I did phone in laws back they said they would need to bring the kids back in the afternoon as they had made arangements to go out for dinner, so I then had to phone my parents to see whether they were able to sit with the kids at our house from 4pm (the latest inlaws could be with them till)
Luckily my parents were able to do so or I would have had to leave a very stressed out hubby alone at the hospital.
So hubby had various tests including 2 ECGs as they were a bit concerned after the first, a chest x ray looking for infection, countless blood tests which showed nothing apart from something being slightly raised which they thought might indicate some infection somewhere but they were unable to see where. He was given an intravenous dose of antibiotics just incase as well as steroids, fluids and Piriton.
We were kept on the emergency observation ward where hubby was seen by more doctors and nurses who referred to him as "Our mystery man"
His swollen lips kept getting better then getting worse again and the weird red patches were still moving around his body.
In the end we were sent home with 5 days worth of steroids, 7 days of hydrocortisone tablets and told to wait for the results of the blood cultures they took to see whether they could find any infection or bug in hubby's blood (Of course we have not heard anything) we got home 11 hours after we had arrived at hospital.
Hubby spent pretty much the whole of Sunday asleep in bed so that was our weekend.
I managed to convince him not to rush straight back to work first thing Monday, I understand he worries as he does NOT get paid ANY sick pay (Yes even if he is ill enough to be hospitalised!) but it does not seem to get through to him that carrying on going to work when ill till he gets to the point of needing to go to hospital for emergency treatment is worse!
(This is the 3rd time this has happened by the way)
So he went back to work yesterday, much to our youngest's disappointment.
He came home totally exhausted bless him. We are just hoping he does not get worse again after his tablets finish this weekend as we still are none the wiser as to what it is.
Anyway onto the baby making mission, today is day 31 in my cycle.
I have received an appointment for my first test, this is the internal ultrasound scan which I will be having in 6 days time.
This month I have not used any ovulation prediction tests at all, I had run out and was so disappointed last month I basically thought sod it as they were not helping me and had just got my hopes up yet again.
So this month I just tried to judge it myself and try to relax a bit.
It is hard, if not impossible to say when my period is actually due as I am now completely irregular, but the fertility calendars I have been using are going by average and saying it is around next week so about 5 days time VERY roughly!
But this morning I woke up with aches and pains and spotting when I check myself so I am not getting my hopes up (Not that there is any point doing that anymore anyway)
TRYING to think positively, IF I am starting another cycle it does mean I can get my blood test and scary xray done before we go on holiday as if I don't start until we are away it would mean having to wait yet another whole month/cycle before I can have them done as they need to be done at certain points in my cycle.
So .............
Monday, 8 August 2011
Today's the Day
August 8th is finally here, in a couple of hours hubby and I are going to see the fertility specialist at the hospital. I cannot believe how nervous/worried I am feeling about it all. I just can't seem to relax, although it probably does not help that hubby's idea of support is to spend the last hour and a half on the laptop and phone messing about sorting things out that apparently cannot possibly wait despite the fact he is only off work because of OUR appointment. So now I am sat here trying to stay calm about the appointment as well as trying not to get annoyed /upset with hubby.
And by the magic of draft saving....
It is now later the same day and we have had the appointment.
The specialist was a really nice man, he had a student/junior doctor sitting in for the first few minutes of the appointment (Untill she was paged and had to leave)
He asked loads of questions about previous pregnancies and what my cycles are like, he also asked hubby about his health and gave the usual advice about not sitting in hot baths, wearing loose cotton underwear etc.
He said the results of the blood test I had at the doctors were ok but that among other tests he wanted to do a proper set of day 3 hormone tests.
Then he talked about hubby's semen analysis he had done in April, he said he was happy with the count but wanted to see whether the motility could be improved and so wants hubby to take Wellman vitamins for two months and will then repeat the semen analysis.
He has already referred me for a pelvic ultrasound scan to check my womb and ovaries and then said he also wants me to have a scary sounding special xray called a hysterosalpingogram where they apparently do an internal (always a lovely experience...NOT) then fit a cathater and pass dye up into the tubes while they xray to see whether they can see any blockages, according to the leaflet they gave me you have to move around on the xray table to make the dye go in all the right parts.
On the same day before the proceedure is even started I have to take painkillers and 4, yes 4!!! antibiotics to prevent risk of infection.
This all needs to be done early in my next cycle so I have to wait till that starts and phone the department who will then book me in.
The specialist wants to see us again in three months time when he hopes to have all the results and will then be considering prescribing Clomid to help with ovulation.
Now it all sounds positive and proactive but since when do things ever run that smoothly for me?
My next cycle is due to start around the time we are going to be going abroad for a massive family holiday, now hpw typical is THAT?
So now I am left hoping for one of two things to happen, either for this month to be a nice short cycle (Unlikely) so I start new cycle early enough to get the tests all done BEFORE we have to go away OR of course for this to be THE month and not get a period at all and be pregnant at last!!
Well on a completely different subject, I could not possibly end this post without sending love to the amazing musical icon that is Amy Winehouse, I have been a massive fan for years and am still gutted she was taken from us at the age of only 27 (Like so many other greats) on July 23rd (The day of our 10th wedding anniversary party)
Always loved, always remembered.
And by the magic of draft saving....
It is now later the same day and we have had the appointment.
The specialist was a really nice man, he had a student/junior doctor sitting in for the first few minutes of the appointment (Untill she was paged and had to leave)
He asked loads of questions about previous pregnancies and what my cycles are like, he also asked hubby about his health and gave the usual advice about not sitting in hot baths, wearing loose cotton underwear etc.
He said the results of the blood test I had at the doctors were ok but that among other tests he wanted to do a proper set of day 3 hormone tests.
Then he talked about hubby's semen analysis he had done in April, he said he was happy with the count but wanted to see whether the motility could be improved and so wants hubby to take Wellman vitamins for two months and will then repeat the semen analysis.
He has already referred me for a pelvic ultrasound scan to check my womb and ovaries and then said he also wants me to have a scary sounding special xray called a hysterosalpingogram where they apparently do an internal (always a lovely experience...NOT) then fit a cathater and pass dye up into the tubes while they xray to see whether they can see any blockages, according to the leaflet they gave me you have to move around on the xray table to make the dye go in all the right parts.
On the same day before the proceedure is even started I have to take painkillers and 4, yes 4!!! antibiotics to prevent risk of infection.
This all needs to be done early in my next cycle so I have to wait till that starts and phone the department who will then book me in.
The specialist wants to see us again in three months time when he hopes to have all the results and will then be considering prescribing Clomid to help with ovulation.
Now it all sounds positive and proactive but since when do things ever run that smoothly for me?
My next cycle is due to start around the time we are going to be going abroad for a massive family holiday, now hpw typical is THAT?
So now I am left hoping for one of two things to happen, either for this month to be a nice short cycle (Unlikely) so I start new cycle early enough to get the tests all done BEFORE we have to go away OR of course for this to be THE month and not get a period at all and be pregnant at last!!
Well on a completely different subject, I could not possibly end this post without sending love to the amazing musical icon that is Amy Winehouse, I have been a massive fan for years and am still gutted she was taken from us at the age of only 27 (Like so many other greats) on July 23rd (The day of our 10th wedding anniversary party)
Always loved, always remembered.
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